A Useful Waste of Time

Passion

2012-01-29T00:15:00.001+08:00

We were not exactly very good at it. In fact this was the one event that gave us every opportunity to fall flat on our faces and more often than not we took it. I'm not sure why, but somehow we never really held our own. It is, however, the one thing that I have clung on to for dear life because it taught me the meaning of passion.

Passion is pure joy pulsing through your blood vessels but strangely at the same time, this intense desire to do better, to be better, which sometimes turned the joy into, I suppose, self-hatred or pity for not pushing yourself hard enough. But it's always right there, this strong desire to pour every iota of energy into this one activity and the best part is you're there with about a hundred other people doing exactly the same thing. When that comes together you get this rush, this high, from having accomplished something whole-heartedly.

You know the best thing about the stage? I thought I'd be really nervous about seeing a huge crowd, a crowd that expected a certain standard. But the stage is equipped with flood lights that effectively mask every single face in that crowd. So what you get is energy. Just energy, from the people standing next to you, from the people watching you, from yourself. It's fantastic, because energy is what you make of it, you can't destroy it so it grows and it grows and it consumes you and you just keep going because it is, quite simply, magic.

I miss that magic.

I know I spent four years pouring my heart into it but it wasn't enough. This is the first time I have ever been studying without it. It is strange and sad. I've begun to realise just how much I thrived on that emotion which wasn't always happiness, in fact was mostly frustration and disappointment towards the end but it gave me something that I know for sure now was an essential part of me.

I miss having pure, unadulterated passion in my life.

I know that I will find a way to bring it into my life again and I know that whatever I do from here on out will have to be something I feel EVERYTHING for.

There have been times when I've been berated for having such a desire. When things have to be done, you get them done whether or not you want to. I don't know why, I don't know which part of my brain is turned off but I cannot do something that I do not care about, I cannot do something that I do not love. I thrive on strong emotion.

I can already tell it is going to be detrimental in a lot of ways but then I remember how I felt at that moment on stage singing words I did not even understand and I know it is downright stupid to not allow myself to feel that every single day of my life.

The Afterthought

2011-12-06T12:27:00.001+08:00

With the existence of sites like Facebook it's getting harder and harder to keep things under wraps, especially when it comes to events that you don't want other people to know about. Unfortunately, it is also easier to find out when you are being left out, when you are the afterthought or the one that isn't worth that little bit of thought at all.

In any case, it gets you thinking, why is it you can give that person a greater amount of thought than the other person grants you? How do you end up on totally different pages in terms of your relationship?

As is human nature you would think about your role in the matter, is it your fault that things have ended up like this? When you draw a complete blank is about when the hurt starts to kick in because you start to realise you really just don't matter as much or they actually don't like you very much at all. Although this comes back to the same thing, how can you like someone more than they like you, or more importantly, why?

So yes I am in one of these situations right now where I find myself constantly being openly pushed away and I wonder if I am being overly sensitive because the other party is so comfortable with my knowing that I am not wanted.

You tell yourself you don't care, there are others.

It never quite goes away though, the feeling that someone can dislike you enough to not care about hurting your feelings. To openly invite people from your circle of friends out but conveniently leave you out and not care that you know.

Yeah, it definitely hurts. Pretty bad sometimes.

Update : Little piece I wrote a while back when I first encountered the situation. It still feels so true though, would be a pity not to share.

Old friends seem to be disappearing into thin air. Sometimes I wonder if it's my fault and I find myself chasing after the opportunity to talk to them and they, strangely, don't really care. They'll seek you out when they have the time but there is a painful lacking of trying to make time for someone. Then you think to yourself there must be a missing wire in my brain somewhere because I'm just being clingy! Maybe I'll just give them their space and start focusing on my own new life.

All goes well for awhile then my mind starts drifting back to the life that I had BEFORE. I start thinking, I wonder how so and so is and what they're up to and I try and contact them to find out what's new and lo and behold, a one word, half-assed response. Yes, miraculously I know the difference between being busy and plain half-assed. Gotta love the "Sorry no credit." If I had a nickel for every time I heard that...

The lying is the worst part. I think this is the first time I've had to deal with outright lying and it really hurts because it's like they think you have no friends or something and you'll NEVER find out that they blatantly lied to your face. And have absolutely no problem in continuing to do so. It really got to me for a bit there, wondering where I had gone wrong and screwed the whole thing up because for some reason, they feel absolutely no need to try and include you in their new circle, or they seem to think you'd be too soft-hearted to be able to deal with the fact that they have a life outside you.

Either way, this is a whole new gray area that I pray I won't have to deal with ever again. It is easier to just exist outside that entire realm of twisted thinking I can't begin to understand because it only makes me doubt myself. Am I being overly sensitive here? I must be, because they see nothing wrong in what they're doing! It can be pretty damaging. They're not all horrible though. There is the truly wonderful bunch that I will always love eventhough I don't quite understand why sometimes.

My view : Take things REALLY easy. Don't take anyone too seriously. Go with the flow, start to create your own circle, make time to catch up with the old friends even if the nonsense you have to put up with gets a little overwhelming because they've been around for years FOR A REASON. Also it helps in embalming your heart a bit in preparation for taking huge amounts of bashing from superiors which is never a bad thing.

I Give The Most Meaningful Gift

2011-10-20T21:20:00.001+08:00

...So far. I hope.

Last Monday I had the opportunity to donate blood. I'm not entirely sure why but I've always wanted to. I guess in a sense it's the easiest way to help save a life. I won't know who it goes to, but that doesn't matter. My blood might actually keep somebody alive for a little bit longer! Incredible.

First life I help save. Here's to many more.

Family

2011-09-16T23:44:00.000+08:00

Who doesn't love a good family gathering where everyone, EVERYONE gets together? More often than not you'd end up having a ball even if there is some drama because that's when the real fun starts anyway.

But families are kinda like high school. The cool people only wanna hang out with the other cool people and there is a whole lot of stuff going on that you don't know about, then you find out, and you really wish they'd done a better job keeping it quiet.

The definition of cool ain't that different either, if you've got money and/or connections, you're my best-est-est friend. I bet if people spent anywhere near half the energy they spend trying to be best friends with these people on trying to get themselves up there with them, they'd be pretty darn successful.

The uncool kids don't exist. Oh wait, yes they do, when you need something done or you need to look good or you're just feeling a little charitable. Scratch that last bit, charity wouldn't involve getting something in return which would defeat the purpose of doing something.

Its strange how everyone seems to operate with an agenda. I appreciate that you've got an end in mind, but must it be so endlessly destructive? Though, to be fair, I haven't actually been affected in any way. Possibly because I don't involve myself enough, which seems to be paying off. Way to go, little me.

Family is really the time to pull out the masks but don't forget to polish it before you put it on because the glare might just keep people from spending too much time around you. I kid!

I genuinely love my family, its just that sometimes things get a little bit silly in other families' uh... don't quite know what to call it... shoving their way through the self-created rat race to be the most popular family? If I had to guess, I'd say God gave us crazy families so we'd get used to just laughing things off by the time we get out into the real world.

If it starts to affect me though, the earrings are coming off. Just sayin'.

Heartache

2011-09-13T20:28:00.002+08:00

I want you to know that I asked you not to do that because its already on my mind and you telling me again only hurt me further because it made me feel inadequate.

I want you to know that I don't understand how reminding me of my inadequacy represents some kind of "duty" to you.

I want you to know that I only got upset because I was already thinking that.

I want you to know that it hurts me that you think I fail to realise the significance of what I'm doing now.

I want you to know that my failure to succeed at whatever it is that I'm doing now will hurt me far more than you could ever hope to begin to comprehend but it is not the end of the world.

I want you to know that it takes a lot of courage for me to remind myself that this is not the end and you pushing and pushing does not help this courage.

I want you to know that I am sorry for retaliating.

I want you to know that I think you were also wrong.

I want you to know that I cannot do this alone and not having you there with me only makes things harder.

I want you to know that everything that happened over the past two days has affected me far more than you would believe.

I want you to know that I have been unable to function properly because of how disturbed I am by what happened.

I want you to know that you mean a lot to me and what you say and do affects me in far greater ways than you have shown you understand.

I want you to know that I love you, but you not listening to me doesn't help.

I want you to know that I hate that I try so hard to be there for you but you find it so easy to just up and make the whole thing about you.

I want you to know that I am going to move on and pretend this never happened because while you may have the energy to fuel such anger and bear such a grudge, I do not.

I want you to know that if saying I'm sorry will make things better then ok, I'm sorry.

Frustrations

2011-08-07T17:23:00.001+08:00

Is it wrong to choose to do something simply because of what might be. Knowing that I will be very, very upset with myself if it succeeds and I were not there to be a part of it? I don't believe so. I believe we all do things because of the possible end result. So that is what I am doing.

Someone's facebook status was "None of us die virgins because life fucks us all." How true.

Now, in all honestly, to begin with I had my doubts. Given my prior experience with the project albeit on a much smaller scale, my initial conclusion was that something like this simply will not succeed. Perhaps with a lot of help it might eventually inch over the finish line but with present circumstances, not a chance in hell.

Yet I chose to push it, I chose to go through with it despite an annoying amount of resistance from a certain party. I doubt I have actually overcome the resistance but in my head its all about at the end of the day, I'll be disappointed if I don't get to do it, someone else will never fully be able to understand those feelings.

I chose to give it a go. I'm still not entirely sure why especially since further involvement revealed just how impossible it would prove to be. Having seen the effort required to produce something of such magnitude, even I am not convinced, no wonder I couldn't overcome the resistance, most of it was trying to convince myself.

Now, as I feared, the visionaries of this project have come to realise the big, gaping holes in their dream. I say their's because to me it still remains a shot in the dark. Pitch dark. Said holes are large enough that they've actually looked into down-sizing the dream. It includes omission of the very reason I said "Yes." to begin with.

A part of me thinks I've been right on two counts so far, not in a good way, which means to a certain extent my experience with prior projects is not too far off from what is about to happen here.

Another part thinks I should just give it a shot because when you're working with different people who run on different fuel, more often than not the result is completely different.

Either way the "What if...?" fire still burns very strongly.

Which brings me to my frustration. Why do I feel such a strong desire to jump head-first into something that "sounds like it might be fun"? It is both a blessing and a curse because when it doesn't work out I usually end up disappointing some people who are pretty important to me and it hurts because I walk away with all this experience and fun but other people fail to see that, all they see is, essentially, failure.

Then, if it does fail, putting aside the feelings of others, I will be quite disappointed in myself because it is time that could have and SHOULD have been better spent and at this age I should have a certain amount of sense that allows me to determine what does and does not deserve my attentions.

Yes, I am plenty frustrated with myself at the moment because I haven't a clue how to proceed from here.

Do I offer help at the expense of more time so that it will be wisely invested time or do I watch it tip the scales in either direction?

The Power of Association

2011-08-05T22:51:00.001+08:00

Interesting thought of the week.

I LOVE Chinese soups i.e. lotus root, old cucumber soup. Of course these are quite common to the average Chinese family but I think twice now it'd be one of those days where you've had a crap day, its miserably wet and you think you're falling sick right when you REALLY don't have time to and then for some reason mum would've decided to make lotus root soup. It'd make me feel a million times better, obviously and I think I love it because I associate it with a feeling of warmth.

Kaya balls. Weird, right? When the sister and I were younger we'd make weekly trips to a mall and ride the carousel then we'd buy kaya balls to eat on the way back. Associated with fun.

Saturday morning music. Not so long ago every Saturday morning dad would turn on the radio and it'd be playing some pretty chilled out stuff and those songs have now become associated with beautiful, fresh weekends. One that I still remember is What's Up by The Three Non Blondes.

I'm sure there is a whole load more things that I love just because I sub-consciously associate it with a feeling, a memory from when I was younger.

Would be interesting to map out my whole life and see why what happened, happened. :)

Deposit Box

2011-07-28T18:41:00.006+08:00

Only halfway through but it's already been a pretty heavy year.

On a bit of Jack Johnson roll, beautiful stuff.

Just wanted to jot down a little something I think I might want to remember, this is out of a debate that I did mid-2010.

I think it was about whether or not prisoners should be given lighter sentences if they donate their organs. We (Jo, Bry and myself) were the opposing team and this was our final round.
Going into it I was a tad worried because I'd just had a MAJOR breakdown that morning and someone very special to me said "I'm sure you'll be back breathing fire and brimstone in no time."

The brilliant thing is that's exactly what I did and I had so, very much fun at it. One of the high points :

(The proposing 2nd speaker was blathering on about Martha Stewart having come out a model citizen.)
Me : Excuse me, ma'am, did Martha Stewart serve her full sentence?
2nd Speaker : Yes.
Bry : Thank you. :)

The thing is it was one of those questions that sort of slipped out, it hadn't made it's way past my brain but I knew if there ever was a moment to ask it, that was it and thinking back it could've gone horribly wrong. In all honesty I think it only worked because the question really frazzled her, she just wanted to spit an answer out so she could get on with her speech.

We won, of course, and the nice old Indian man who was head adjudicator called me "our George girl" while announcing I made best speaker. It made me awfully proud in a strange way because your surname becomes an identity of sorts and you've done well by it. The Chinese guy gave me the highest score he'd given in the entire competition and he'd thought I was brilliant. Very sweet.

Its sort of nice to think I might just have something to fall back on if this whole medicine madness doesn't work out. I hate having a plan B though. More often than not have to put it into action and it makes you think if I never actually have a back up plan it's always do or die and you do until you die. Or is there a certain point where chasing something doesn't make sense anymore? Thankfully I'm about two steps away from having to answer that really big question. There is very great joy to be had in a lack of baggage.

Yes, well this is long enough, isn't it? Bit more, bear with me. Read Randy Pausch's Last Lecture and it made me want to go off into the big world and do EVERYTHING. Partly blame the cousin who took me go-karting because it was such an incredible rush I might secretly be an adrenaline junkie. So I came home and started looking for Google internships and ways to become a Disney Imagineer, big, fun things basically. Unfortunately you need a degree for both, presumably in reasonable lines of work.

If I ever throw in the towel it'd probably be in favour of IT just because there is so much technology fighting it's way into the world right now it seems like a pretty great place to be in terms of trying really hard to be up there with "game-changers".

For now my big dreams of trying to do just about everything are on brakes but they haven't exactly stopped. I may have found my way into the opportunity to sing a solo in the Malaysian mecca of arts which is bloody brilliant by my guess. I do hope it works out because it would pretty much make my entire college experience, as would 4 straight HDs both of which I can live without but it's like cake and ice cream, why would you want to live in a world without either?

Strange how a lot of cool things that happen to me seem to be by accident. And yes now I'm done.

Am I back? Oh, I don't know.

There is a lot of world to conquer.

Dirty Little Secret

2011-06-30T18:13:00.003+08:00

I've always wanted to be able to sing. :)

Here Comes The Sun

2011-06-28T13:06:00.000+08:00

Almost coming up on a year since I last posted but a little something something happened in my life that I really needed to write about because I felt it really shows that things do come full circle.

Pretty big downs can end in just that little bit of happiness. Of course it isn't the end, the most beautiful beginning of the rest of all our lives.

I'm so proud of you for being brave enough to try again and may I someday have the courage to do the same should I ever need to.

Here's to a breathtaking sunrise greeting you every morning of your beautiful lives together.

If

2010-08-13T14:04:00.002+08:00

If you thought you could catch a break, if you thought life would cut you some slack, you were wrong. Get over it.

She's here :)

2009-10-16T11:00:00.001+08:00

The dear dear niece was born about 20 minutes ago. Hello love! I don't know your name yet but all in good time. I really should be studying so you get a shorter post but I promise a longer 1st birthday post!

Her name, world, is Jenevie. Everyone say hello! :)

2009-08-30T09:46:00.000+08:00

"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months." - Oscar Wilde

Now how could you not love this guy?

Oh brilliant!

2009-08-26T11:43:00.000+08:00

So, I have a week off. Which is absolutely brilliant because everyone really, really needed a break. I would blog, there is SO SO much to update about but I don't really feel like it.

Anyway, we have this Bio project to do. I have no idea where to start.

Technology Used in Food Production
e.g. mushrooms
- ways to diversify
- names of foods
- pictures of foods named

Thats what I wrote. The example in the text book is ulam. Along with various types of ulam.

Anyway, I'd better get back to figuring out what the hell I'm supposed to do.

I wonder...

2009-08-10T18:10:00.004+08:00

You know how, someone says something about you and you know in your heart and in your soul that what they said, is not true?

I wonder how many relationships have been torn apart based on an opinion.

One fell through yesterday.

I wonder if it could've been saved.

Like I said, if only we had none of the unnecessary extras.

2009-08-06T19:54:00.003+08:00

Ah how easy it is to find fault in that which you do not like.

How easy it is allow emotion to cloud your judgement.

I wish I were a simpleton.

Never tried to look for the underlying meaning for there would be no such thing.

So simple would life be were everything either black or white.

How easy life would be were there nothing else to consider.

How easy life would be if I could not allow past events to influnce how I react.

I would feel only two things : happy, sad.

Never the unnecessary extras.

Never the EXTRAS.

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life." - Mary Oliver (American Poet)

2009-08-02T09:17:00.000+08:00

WE DID IT! AFTER FOUR YEARS! WE FINALLY DID IT!

One Song Glory

2009-07-31T21:24:00.001+08:00

I'm Writing One Great Song Before I ...
One Song
Glory
One Song
Before I Go
Glory
One Song To Leave Behind

Find One Song
One Last Refrain
Glory
From The Pretty Boy Front Man
Who Wasted Opportunity

One Song
He Had The World At His Feet
Glory
In The Eyes Of A Young Girl
A Young Girl
Find Glory
Beyond The Cheap Colored Lights

One Song
Before The Sun Sets
Glory - On Another Empty Life
Time Flies - Time Dies
Glory - One Blaze Of Glory
One Blaze Of Glory - Glory

Find
Glory
in a song that rings true
truth like a blazing fire
an eternal flame

Find
One Song
A Song About Love
Glory
From The Soul Of A Young Man
A Young Man

Find
The One Song
Before The Virus Takes Hold
Glory
Like A Sunset
One Song
To Redeem This Empty Life

Time Flies
And Then - No Need To Endure Anymore
Time Dies

Restless Heart Syndrome

2009-07-23T21:10:00.002+08:00

Its our last run guys. Lets make it one they'll never forget. I know we can.

Oh dear...

2009-07-21T20:47:00.004+08:00

Incompetence rather, the inability to do something about something, is crippling and horribly frustating, isn't it?

So a group of people got together to try and do something about it. Do they have to die for it?

And do those in the wrong get to go about their lives as usual?

If you claim to not be in the wrong, why do you put yourself in a position in which everything points toward you?

If you were in the wrong, why would you want everyone to think it was you?

What are you trying to tell us?

At some point you ask yourself, am I going to let someone else try and fix it while I stand and watch, or am I going to get up and help?

I know at the moment there isn't much I can do, but should the oppurtunity arise, would you do it?

Would you stand in the line of fire so someone else's child can live a happy life?

GAH!

2009-07-12T20:23:00.003+08:00

Are you trying to kill me?!

An Inspector Calls (JB Priestly) costs RM 54.90.

MSN keeps signing out on its own.

I have a feeling I'm going to miss two whole weeks of school. No good no good.

I want to make a BIG HAPPY POST!

I am happy. Very happy.

End of BIG HAPPY POST!

I was complaining about something the teacher was doing and Farhan threw a book at me.

I threw the book at Soni when she started complaining. I nearly choked on the darn Plum Tablet Candy and she flapped a book in my face. (You know how you usually pat a person on the back when they're choking? She was holding a book in her hand so she flapped it.)

These Form 1 kiddies. Why do they look like someone died? Its sad, it is.

I was making faces and the teacher said, Whats wrong with you? Like I was retarded. Well I'll have you know... Ah forget it.

I watched Transformers 2! Thanks to Dev. He went to the Rainforest Music Fest!

I need better music.

I'm elated, medicated, I am my own worst enemy.

I have a busy weekend ahead. Might watch Harry Potter 6. Then I have a busy week. Busy TWO weeks.

I now love home. Spend so little time at home. Love weekends.

I miss debate. I do. I do. I do.

I'm happy. Very happy.

2009-07-01T15:41:00.001+08:00

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

Will post about debate soon, okay?

KDUDA Inter-High School Debate '09

2009-06-29T09:51:00.002+08:00

Okay, this is a proper post about the event.

Actually no, its more of a refleksi (reflection) thing. Evidently, I did not go to school today. Because I have three days' worth of homework undone due to the event. Maybe I'll post more about the actual thing later but strangely enough, I was so glad it was over when it was and this morning I realised that I wouldn't be able to be a part of it again until next year. Which kind of sucks.

In short, it was very much like the first time I attended choral fest. It was a new environment, I was unprepared and not willing to push myself. When it was over, I was sad that it was. The following year, I pushed myself to keep up and I found that I enjoyed it thoroughly.

Same thing here, we were underprepared and hopelessly tired and just wanted to go home. I think if we trained a lot more consistently, we'd actually be able to do quite a bit. Anyway, I should be getting to that 3 days' worth of homework. Will write about it some other time.

KDUDA High School Debate '09

2009-06-28T21:39:00.002+08:00

The motion we are debating today reads 'This House Believes Roshni George Should Not Post About Debate And Should Go To Sleep'. I, as the proposition, propose that I post up something tommorow for three simple reasons.

1. I am too tired to provide quality information.

2. I want to go to sleep.

3. I need sleep.

Those three points, members of the parliament, are proof as to why I should not post anything up tonight seeing as I haven't the brain power to come up with three points as to why I shouldn't post anything up therefore proving that even if I were to write about what happened over the past three days, I would easily miss out key points of information thus making the post nonsensical because a documentation of something should contain all key points.

For that very reason, Mr Speaker, the motion stands. Any POIs? No? Wonderful. I rest my case.

Good night all.

2009-06-26T19:20:00.002+08:00

I think initially I just felt this immense shock. He sort of fell off the face of the planet for so very long and when I found out it hit like a ton of bricks. Inside my head I was just going SHITSHITSHITSHIT. I mean, he is MICHAEL JACKSON. You don't expect him to just die. For some reason, I felt this incredible pain that he had died. I actually liked him. He wrote beautiful music and sang it just as beautifully if not more and he didn't deserve to go like that. I'm pretty much still in shock. I can't believe he died. He is not directly related to my life in ANY way and I'm in this strange place where you don't quite know what to feel exactly. I feel like crying, but for what exactly? A man I never knew? I think the thing is music opens up a whole new world. A window to your soul. He was a man who wrote from the soul which gave him this incredible influential power and I weep for that loss. I don't know what happened to him but I think we all know that the mind is incredible and strange and it can do strange things to you and maybe he just got lost somewhere in all of that. Now, he is dead. I think it hasn't sunk in yet. It hurts and I don't know why. Music is eternal, everlasting. He'll live on forever, through his music.

Irrelevant, but you know the saying, sometimes the thing you love most is what brings you down? Why is that suddenly being shown to me in so many different ways, at so many different levels, all at once? All I know is I'm pretty much exhausted and the day isn't over yet.

Just...chill...

Pensive

2009-06-20T20:21:00.001+08:00

From 12, to 8, to 2.

A star died of sorrow today.

But the sun still shines brightly as ever.

Breaking News

2009-06-18T19:40:00.003+08:00

Breaking news indeed, ladies and gentlemen, I, Roshni George, managed the worst marks for an essay in English in the history of human beings!

I tried a new style of writing, obviously didn't go down too well with the teacher. But I like it, I really do. Therefore, I shall type it all up. Oh by the way, I don't quite like the first line but it came with the question so yeah.

Oh and by the way, the person in the story is not me. Maybe its you. I don't know. Enjoy.

‘The rain kept pouring and there was a loud clap of thunder in the sky. But I heard nothing. People who lived in deserts came up with rain dances to plead the gods for rain. I loved the rain, always have, always will. Rain cleans. Rain washes away the dirt and the dust and rain was nature’s way of giving you a new beginning. The great flood that God sent from the skies years ago to purify the land, to purge it of all evil. When it rained, I would run under the rain and wash away all that was wrong with the world. But today I heard nothing. Today the rain beat down so hard I felt every drop, threatening to slice through me. The zinc roofs screamed in agony but I heard nothing.

‘I may have been crying, I wouldn’t have noticed, nobody would’ve noticed. More importantly nobody would’ve cared. Another clap of thunder brought with it more roaring rain daring anything to stand in it’s way but what would be so foolish, I wondered. You see, rain purged the world of evil and as I saw it, all was evil. A howling wind soon joined the rain. No, I did not hear that, either but I felt it. I felt the wind move quickly and precisely, with purpose. The wind has purpose, for goodness’ sake, what have you, I asked myself. But what did it matter? At my age the world did not expect you to have purpose. The world expected you to bend over backwards an meet their needs because a pitiful child could not possible be capable of much. To a certain extent I agreed, most of the people I was surrounded by were rather dim.

‘I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder and suddenly I could hear everything. The rain, the zinc roods, the wind, the thunder. My sudden awareness of my surroundings took me by surprise and my thoughts almost collided with the sounds I was hearing. I asked myself to remain calm as the surrounding noises turned into a type of music. It wasn’t a nice music, it was more of a type of noise but the ability of the human brain travels much further that even Albert Einstein failed to fully understand it in his lifespan and the noise soon turned into a rhythmic drumming of the rain against the rood and the wind almost singing in the distance with the thunder as the occasional bass boost. I closed my eyes in an attempt to heighten my hearing senses and lose myself in something I’d created.’

I read my work a second time, crumpled it up and threw it in the general direction of the dustbin and as expected, I missed. I quite often lost myself in my thoughts and wrote them down, in an attempt to remember them. The thoughts were surprisingly morbid. It was a theory of mine that my mind had a mind of it’s own. The number of involuntary actions that took place in a second in your body remind you constantly of how you are not really in control. However, perhaps sometimes that is a good thing, I thought to myself. I had had a conversation with a friend about doing something well. My perception of it was that you completely lose yourself in whatever you are doing; it completely engulfs you in a way and rips a part of your soul from you. When you’re done, you step back, look at your work and almost, just almost, forget to breather. That was what I wanted to do. I stood up, switched off the lights and left the room. Perhaps the weather was too cold today. Someday, I would write my soul into something.

At the bottom of the page, the teacher wrote my score (25/50) and a short comment ' I don't quite understand your story!'.

Library Leadership Camp '09 at Cameron Highlands

2009-06-14T17:59:00.006+08:00

Very, very text heavy. Approx. 4,000 words.

When I first signed up for the camp I was really excited because I'd never been to Cameron. After choral fest, I'd missed so much of my holidays, I didn't really want to go anymore. We were supposed to meet up in school at 9.20a.m. and I was there, but no one else was. So dad and I took a detour to Taipan to pick up some stuff and I got a call from Rish on our way back saying the bus was already there. In the end, I was the last one on the bus. Luckily, they were still loading up so I hadn't held us up.

The entire camp was organised by Pride Travel & Event Management Sdn Bhd. I thought they did a fantastic job. Will tell you why in a bit.

No pics until day 3. One-thirds are here, the rest on Facebook.

Day 1 (11/06/09)

We stopped at the Tapah R&R for lunch and misheard the time at which we were supposed to return which resulted in us (Siao Lin, Wei Li, Rish and

I) being a minute late. We were asked by Mr Lim (camp coordinater), to go up to the front of the bus one by one and explain why we were late. After explaining, Rish had to tell a joke, I had to ask a question no one could answer and Siao Lin and Wei Li had to sing.

Got to the apartments at Tanah Rata to unpack, got back on the bus and went to a hall in Brinchang where all of our activities would be carried out. First we had to come up with our group name, group flag, and design a key tag. Our name was Notorious 9, flag was a rubik's cube with notorious 9 written on it and we each picked one letter from Notorious and wrote and adjective with it on the key tag. Mine was Ingenious. Doubt its an adjective.

Our team leader was Wen Ying, she did an excellent job, I was her assistant. Initial team members : Nicholas, Xiang Yong, Jun Kang, W

ilsern, Wei Li, Loong Kuan and Lee Yen. Next up, we had to present our team name, flag and key tags and reasons as to why we did them the way we did. Pn Wong graded us, our team got 2nd place. In 1st was Da Rainbow, led by Rish and in 3rd, Bombastique, led by Hui Xian. We got 2nd, apparently, because of our negative name.

Next game, we had a rafia string made into a hoop, all team members had to join hands and stand in a circle, and without breaking the circle we had to get the rafia string back to the way it was at first. Justin (other camp coordinater) joined us for the first round and

showed us the proper way of doing it. We changed it up very slightly. Mr Lim said that if we finished in under a minute, we'd get an extra plate of fish balls and prawn at dinner, and if we didn't he'd take away the fish balls and prawn. Apparently no other school had succeeded before. All teams took up the challenge, Da Rainbow and Notorious succeeded, and we got the best time. Go Seafield! Mr Lim asked Wen Ying who thought of the technique, and Wen Ying said it was a group effort and that it was how we used the technique that mattered. Carefully avoiding to mention that it was Justin's idea. I saw Justin smiling. Was kinda funy.

Then we had dinner, if I'm not mistaken. Dinner was steamboat at Ferm Nyonya (No kidding!). Made quite a mess too. We decided to give Bombastique our extra plate of fish balls and prawn, which Mr Lim didn't approve of and he wanted to take away our fish balls and prawn too but Pn Tan came and gave it back. Ferm Nyonya actually didn't have fans or air-conditioners, they just opened the windows. Imagine the amount they save on electricity.

After dinner we stopped at the apartment for a bit and then headed back to the hall where Mr Lim spoke to us about comfort zones. He explained it with a circle, in a circle you write down all the things you enjoy doing, and outside it, things you dislike doing. If you don't do new things, the circle gets smaller, and if you do things outside the circle, it grows. They showed us what happens when you have a big circle and when you don't. His way of showing it to you (the circles) was amusing, presentation wasn't very impressive. He kept going on about how he was a King Scout and he'd done and is doing so many different things in his life. I'd say he is a classic example of 'jack of all trades, master of none'. The presentation had one slide that said 'You Dicide!'. I'm not sure what they meant by that.

We also had to talk about our take on team. What we thought it meant and things like that. Mr Lim gave us three questions, what is the role of a leader, what is the role of a team member and what is individual and team commitment. He spoke to us about that for a bit as well.

Next we played an observation game. You look at a picture, and then they'll ask you a question about the picture. Pretty sick questions like, 'when was that picture taken?' or 'how many times does 2004 appear in that picture?'. Bombastique and Notorious scored 40 each and Da Rainbow won with 50.

Evaluation was next. This was where we gave each team member a score and the member with the lowest score was eliminated and they had to 'beg' other teams to let them join their team. We ran out of time so each eliminated member was just sent to the team on their left. Eliminated from our team was Lee Yen. It was honestly pretty scary. Like an episode of Survivor or something. I got the highest score from our team. Possibly because I talk a lot. Mei Yen was our new team member.

We went back to the apartments, chatted for a bit while taking turns to shower, watched tv and went to sleep by about 1. Mei Yen and Eunice's room smelt of cheese and barf so they slept in the hall. Siao Lin and I shared a room, Rish and Wei Li shared another. Our fridge smelt of sambal belacan but Uncle Febreeze (I think he manages the apartments, keeps them clean etc.) came in and sprayed Febreeze (air freshner meant for fabrics) into the fridge and made it all better.

We pretty much hated Mr Lim because of what he'd done on the bus. He was pretty horrible and tried to corner us with questions. We all hated the camp and wanted to go home. All I was enjoying was the cold air and floors and walls. And the greenery and wind.

Day 2 (12/06/09)

Our room didn't have a fan, so we opened the window a little before we went to sleep and it was freezing in the morning. Set our alarm clocks for 6 a.m.. Decided not to shower because the water was freezing and headed out for a warm-up session. Outside was even colder and after we ran around and played a few games I think everyone felt much better. Had breakfast at an Indian restaurant. We actually walked down to the restaurant. Nice fresh air. Everyone had roti canai. They were short staffed so we had to collect our own food.

First event, the Amazing Race. Starting point was a car park in Tanah Rata, our facilitator was Justin. First task was to put together the "jigsaw puzzle" to find out where we had to go next. It was actually this piece of paper that had been cut up. We were the last team to leave and make our way to Maybank where we had to get a receipt dated 12th June 09. Wei Li grabbed one and it was the right date. Justin gave us our next clue which was to go to Carnation Park. We had to walk slightly over 1 km to get there. The clue had a picture on it and we had to take a photo of the exact same picture on the paper. This was where we were "punished" because we were not working together as a team. We had to finish an entire loaf of bread. It had 18 slices. Other teams took a while to arrive because they were in the wrong place. We kept asking people along the way just to make sure. Saw a nice-looking Gurdwara on our way to the location.

Justin kept saying they wanted an exact photo of what was in the picture. I seriously thought we could just take a photo of the picture in the paper. But we didn't, because it was too risky. We had to call Mr Lim for our next task, he gave us 4 questions, for every second that we spoke to him, he would minus a point or something like that. We answered the questions, the answers were all digits, we had to total up those digits. Next we answered a random question about identifying which card was which. There were 2 Queens and a King, 2 Hearts and a Spade. We got that right on the first try.

We had to go to MARDI next. Which was at least 3 kms from where we were. Considered flagging down a car to take us there but decided that it might've been against the rules and so we walked and walked and walked. About 2 kms away from MARDI we saw Bombastique pass us sitting in the back of a Storm. Decided we'd continue walking anyway and saw Da Rainbow pass us in another Storm. When we got to MARDI we had to answer a few questions and to get the answers we had to go in. The fee was RM3 and in an attempt to save money, only Wen Ying and Jun Kang went in. Bombastique arrived first and had tourists who already inside take photos for them and help them get answers. Da Rainbow and us got unlucky because the guard came and refused to allow people, who were willing to help, to help us. Da Rainbow made do with what they had. Bombastique left nearly 15 minutes before us and Da Rainbow left 10 minutes before we did.

When they came out we had to go to Agro Bank (opposite Maybank, approx. 2 km). Justin made us eat a whole bulb of Garlic for breaking the team. The guys actually ate most of it, I had a clove and it was awful. They guys were actually really nice, didn't ask, didn't complain, just ate it. Jun Kang threw out about half of it later on. We got to Agro Bank and Justin gave us our next task. Buy a few things with the RM10 they gave us, use as little money as possible, you get 10 points for every ringgit you have left, and take a few photos of and with random people and things.

We were supposed to meet Justin at Ferm Nyonya at 12 and we ran late so as punishment we had to eat cili padi which, for me, wasn't bad at all. It tasted like grass. Then we had to go back to the car park where we started and had to solve another riddle about who lived where. Got that right too. Similar to the card one above. Go that right and finished just before 12.30, had to eat a whole chilli for being the last team. Wen Ying cut it open with a scissors and took out the seeds so it was actually really sweet.

Had lunch at Ferm Nyonya. Way too much food. Packed it for the barbaque at night. Went back to the apartment for a bit. I took the stuff we'd bought on the Amazing Race. Eunice got a toe cramp right before we left and I forgot to take along the stuff we'd bought. When they were calculating our points, we lost about 100 because of it. Felt like crap because we got the lowest score for that game. The facilitators were asked to give us a score upon 100 for our performance. I thought Justin would give us 40 because he seemed to really hate us and he honestly wasn't very helpful but he gave us 90. Later when he was asked to speak about our team he said that we hadn't argued at all and that usually teams argue lots and that we kept consulting our leader and once we made a decision we didn't complain. Didn't complain at all about having to walk the whole way.

He thought he had the worst time as a facilitator because he had to walk the whole way. Kept telling us to come up with more creative ideas, which actually meant, get a ride. But we thought it was against the rules. Guess not. Next was our 2nd evaluation. I thought I'd get kicked out for leaving the stuff behind. We were asked to leave while they counted the points. I didn't get kicked out. Poor Loong Kuan did because he didn't go on the race with us, he had a fever. Mr Lim was pretty awful to the ones who got kicked out. Told Loong Kuan it was his own fault for getting sick. Yan Ting was our new member. Wen Ying scored highest which she really deserved.

We played Human Golf next. Each team had to stand behind the line, and a few meters away from the line was a styrofoam cup taped to the ground. Each member had to get a tennis ball into the cup without crossing the line. First two rounds, we couldn't even get a score, mainly because a few of us were too short to reach the cup. I was one of them. Mr Lim came over to me and said I had to trust my team members. Basically our technique was that you stand with one foot forward and a few of us would hold that foot down, a few others would hold on to one arm and you just fall forward and stretch and drop the ball in. I have trust issues so it was a bit tough for me. But I did it. I didn't fall. I trusted them to hold on to me. And they did.

Its actually kinda hard to trust that they won't drop you with your entire body slightly under 2 inches away from the ground. Third round, we finally got a time! Second best. Fourth round, best. Mr Lim said we only needed 2 mins, we were at 1.04 mins. He challenged us to finish under a minute and that if we did, we'd get a bonus of 100 points which we really needed at this point. We were the only team that succeeded. I thought we did extremely well, actually. Everyone got it on their first try. We were all really focused, switched people quickly, put them closer faster. It was going well. Our overall scored were calculated and we were in 2nd place about 90 points behind Da Rainbow. Luckily, one more game after dinner.

Went back to the apartment to help load up the bus with barbaque stuff. Had the barbaque at the venue of the hall about two floors up. Turns out those were apartments too. The King Scout (Mr. Lim) had to start the fire because none of us knew how. I realised I didn't know how to start a fire. Had to barbaque my own food. There was noodles and fried rice. Wei Zhi, Jun Kang and Andrew serenaded Pn Tan and her son, Yi An because it was his birthday. The residents either didn't hear or didn't care.

Went downstairs for our final session with Mr Lim. Played a really short game of Win-Win. You sit across from a partner, you're given 10 sweets. You arm wrestle with your partner. For every round you win, you get a sweet and your partner doesn't and vice versa. We were given a minute to do this. Wei Li was my partner, I won all 6 rounds we managed to play. Mr Lim then went on to say that we should share and that some of us really tried, and only managed to finished one round but it would've been easier if you just won one round and lost one round and kept going on that way. Win-Win, get it? This really contradicted with what he'd been telling us all along, which was survival of the fittest. Especially with the evaluations which everyone disagreed with because we all thought it was unfair because everyone has different strengths and perhaps they hadn't had an oppurtunity to show them yet. But with the evaluations, you kick them out for being weak instead of giving them half.

Next we played Team Spy. All team members, except for the leader, had to go out and meet with Mr Lim, one at a time, and he'd tell us whether or not we were the spy. After that, the leader had to send each person out to look at a drawing and we were supposed to come back and draw it. The spy is supposed to help the leader by drawing the wrong thing. The leader, alone, without consulting the team members had to decide who the spy was. The stakes were pretty high. If you identified the spy correctly, you'd get 300 points. If you didn't, he'd minus 100 points, the wrongly-identified spy would be punished (they had an envelope of punishments to pick from), he/she would be eliminated from their team, and the entire team would not get breakfast.

Wen Ying and Hui Xian correctly identified the spies and Rish did not. There was no spy in Rish's team. Rish put that girl forward because she said she was the spy, as Mr Lim had asked her to. Mr Lim did not help by asking the girl if she hated Rish because this was all Rish's fault. He even asked Rish to pick out the girl's punishment which was to 'eat all bread provided'. They did not have any bread so she was going to have to eat a big tupperware of fried rice left over from the barbaque. The fried rice that was supposed to be supper for 12 boys. She was this really skinny Form 2 girl, by the way. All of us were really shocked, he seemed serious. He told us that we could all leave and that he'd stay with the girl until she finished. The bus was already there. We all sat there waiting for him to say that he was kidding. Esther, from Bombastique, asked if she could take the girl's place. Mr Lim said no, and that he'd been waiting for someone from Da Rainbow to ask if they could.

Rish spoke up and asked if she could and Mr Lim said it was too late because someone from another team had already said something. You could hear people indistinctly said 'shit'. Rish managed to convince him that her entire team would stay there and help the girl finish. Everyone spoke up and said they'd stay and help. Mr Lim said Da Rainbow could stay and that the rest could leave because we'd already won. Rish spoke up and said, you said we should share the everything and in that case it was the sweets, in this case, we have to share the bad things as well. He tried discouraging the rest from staying, I suppose to make sure that we were willingly staying. At this point most of the girls were crying. My guess was because it was a glimpse into the real world and it wasn't pretty, it was actually pretty scary.

In the end he said he'd drop it if he took away 200 points from Notorious and Bombastique, and a further 100 away from Da Rainbow. This was whole heartedly agreed to by everyone. Mr Lim finally dropped it, let the girl go back to her team and told us to go back to the apartment and share the fried rice and that we had to finish it. The objective of the game was to teach us the importance of a leader and how heavy their job was. And that the world wasn't as forgiving as Mr Lim. Scores were totaled again and Notorious got the highest score. I did think we worked together extremely well. We got our prizes, a pen container. I actually a similar one which I got from my standard 6 teacher, in the same colour but a different shape. Esther won best female participant, Jun Kang best male participant, Wei Zhi most sporting participant. The 6th-Formers were given souvenirs. We went back to the apartments and ate a spoon of the fried rice each just because we said we would and gave the rest to the guys for supper.

We sat down and chatted for a bit about what had happened over the past two days. We all hated him but I'd say he did his job really well. It was supposed to be a leadership camp but I think it was really character building, a real wake-up call that the world isn't nice place, and that you gotta be ready for it. The scariest part would be that, once we finish school (which isn't too far away), we have to deal with that. Wei Li was upset that he only showed us the bad side of the world. Thinking back now, the bad part is the hard part. Thats what you gotta brace yourself for because the happy part ain't no problem at all. You don't see happy people complaining.

We started talking about a lot of things. For example, Mr Lim had said you had to popular in order to become a leader. Like it or not, that is really true. If nobody knows you, why would they elect you their leader? You have to go out there and talk to people. I've known the importance of this for a long time but I've never really wanted to with excuses like they don't talk back. Wei Li said that it was hard for people like us to talk to people. This is my reasoning. You have to know where you want to be in the next 10 years, and how you're going to get there. One step is to know people. Different people work on different levels. In order to get through to them, you have to go to their level and talk to them. If you sit on your level forever, you're not going to gain any friends, or it'll be harder to gain friends.

Then the question came up, does that mean you change yourself in order to make it in the world? My answer, no. It means you broaden your horizons, learn to talk to different people and you stay true to yourself. You keep your feet on the ground but that doesn't mean you never fly. Which is why the people who make it are strong people. Why it is important to know who you are. I'm guessing thats why people go soul-searching and stuff. Wei Li decided that the corporate world wasn't for her and that she'd probably end up a hobo. She is just the kindest soul you will ever come across. Siao Lin prefers a rough plan, a vague idea of where you're going to allow more room for exploration.

Then we went to sleep close to 3 a.m. and woke at 6. Personal thoughts, Mr Lim was harsh, but so is the world. I think he did a fantastic job at achieving what we went there to do. We'll remember it because it got at our emotions and I think we'll always remember the shock, the pain, the frustration, the anger. I would recommend going through them for leadership camps. I hated him, but I think to learn lessons from what he said and did, you have to look beyond and look at what it was he was trying to do or achieve by doing that. In short, did I enjoy myself, heck no. But I learned so very much. I learned about trusting people, working with a big group, standing up and speaking out, feeling horrible about something but not being able to fix it. I think I learned a lot more than just that, I just don't know it yet. Would I go back? I don't know yet. Lets see if I become a better person.

So this ended the actual leadership camp. The following day was a really quick tour of Cameron Highlands and I'm way too tired to tell you about it. Will post about Day 3 in about 3 months or so. School starts again tommorow and we don't even have a public holiday until August. Should be fun. Monthly exams are slightly after the 5th of July.

P/S : I wonder if you made it this far.

No more space for wastes of time, useful or otherwise

2009-05-12T15:19:00.003+08:00

There is something I want and its something that not a lot of people get, something that not just anybody gets. Something extraordinary people get.

It has to do with what I want to do, and it'll be really, really hard, I get that. Everyone says it. Where I want to do it is even harder. To achieve it I need to learn to BE extraordinary. Be a new, different, better person. Don't you wish you could have a do-over? But its NEVER, EVER too late.

I think the time for this blog is over. I'm not sure. But this would be a good reminder, a good goodbye. I'll think of something better. Or not.

Hey, remember this?

2009-05-09T22:45:00.004+08:00

I was going to post it up for new year's but it needed heavy editing and I never quite got around toit. Still not done but...yeah :) My first vid! Sorry if I don't have photos of everyone, not much of a photo person. But I love you all anyway! :D

Woah

2009-05-09T22:00:00.002+08:00

Its been a long, tiring, exciting, interesting week. Won't go into detail.

Exams! First full paper for all subjects. I don't freak out until right before we get the papers back. Which is the case with most things. Like oral, I didn't get scared until I was about to go up, and then I got really scared standing in front of everyone having nothing to talk about and I rattled on about choir (I talked and I talked and I talked) but I'm glad I got to share that part of my life with my classmates.

Today I followed my nephew around upstairs. He went from room to room, I'd switch on the light and fan, and he'd look around (clicking his tongue for some reason). Ah so cute. He just turned two! :)

I think, amidst the chaos and frustration and anger and hatred and tears (with great passion), I may just pull through.

Saw the ex-form 5s at Hari Kecemerlangan, there were those who looked fantastic, and those who looked exactly the same. Oh joy.

I think, form 4 is a whole new experience. I don't remember feeling this way last year, or the year before. This is just something completely new that was chucked in front of me and I rejected it, I refused to accept it but now, bit by bit I realise it is what we make of it. And I'll try to hold on to that.

Keep my feet on the ground, keep doing what I love because I love doing it, keep doing what I have to because I need it, and keep surrounding myself with wonderful people and happiness and love. Keep thinking that it may just turn out all right because I decided that it was gonna be a lovely day. Keep hoping that there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Keep running to the end of the rainbow and keep the faith.

Optimism 101

2009-05-03T15:44:00.005+08:00

(Doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full if you have a lot of glasses.)

sigh

2009-04-20T18:39:00.002+08:00

Today, during assembly, Joey said "Hey! God!" And I turned around. But only because she called me God of debate yesterday!

And Farhan said I'm a pessimist. I said Murphy's Law. And he said he believed that if everything had gone wrong, it could only go right from there. And I said, if everything had gone wrong, you'd probably be dead.

My homework is back on track. (YAY!) It wasn't that hard actually. I just did it. My schedule has slowed down tremendously. Everything is pretty much over, or I've become indifferent to it. Which means half of my stress is gone. So thats good.

The people in my class are absolutely nuts. Seriously, absolutely, out of their minds. I don't think they care too much about studies. All the teachers hate our class. Not without reason though. They yell out windows and splash water at each other and scream and shout.

You can hardly get anything done and I get it, it makes you laugh, but you have to get serious at some point, ya know?

All the teachers think our class is smart, just because we're all Pure Science students. Its really funny, the first time they come in. They're shocked at our behaviour and its pretty funny.

You know that song, by the Rolling Stones, it goes : You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need.

Doesn't that make perfect sense in some strange way?

I don't care anymore. Because I know what I have to do. Get through the next two years and leave this environment clouded with greed and jealousy and popularity and all sorts of other rubbish. You know why? Because what I can believe and conceive, I can achieve.

All I need is to kick myself every now and then. Especially now! Exams in 3 weeks! I want the exams to be over because then I get two weeks off to have a movie marathon (I just watched the trailer for HP6 and now I'm dying to watch it, I watched 4 online but I can't find 5!), and I get to go to Cameron Highlands! Can you believe it? I live here and I've never been! And I'm going with some of my best-est friends.

But I won't enjoy it if I'm worrying every second about having failed a subject. So yeah. Time to hit the books.

So much, so so much

2009-04-09T20:23:00.003+08:00

I am getting worked up over nothing and it is affecting my proficiency. I get so upset over something I don't feel like doing anything. What am I getting upset over? I suppose if you knew me well enough you'd know.

Anyway, I've avoided the stress factor all week, I was indifferent, and I got quite a bit done and the wheels started turning again and then this morning it was like a massive blow of realisation of something I already knew but never quite addressed and maybe its just not for me.

So yeah, I haven't given up, I have something else that could come through for me so I'm working towards that. This, that I 've spent 4 years of my life working towards, I don't think I'll get, all I pray is that someone who deserves it will get it and I have a vague idea of who is going to get it and I think they already know. BUT! I have a goal, I have things I want to do and if this is getting in the way of it then NO. Then no, I do not care.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I was writing a nice long paragraph about how wonderful the idea of Christmas is and I started reading some stuff and I started to get worked up all over again. Oh geez. I can't detach myself from it. But I can't involve myself too much because then I just sort of start to wallow in sadness.

Nevermind. I just have to keep myself in check. And slap myself awake every two seconds. KESEDERHANAAN! (Moderation.)

Heaven Help Me. If heaven can't, who can? (My favourite line of the whole damn musical)

Story

2009-04-04T21:41:00.002+08:00

Pieces of brain were scattered on the floor. Yes, brain. The very thing he had devoted his life to. Unravelling the mysteries of grey matter. It was said the great Einstein accessed a mere 1% of his brain. The prefrontal cortex remained intact, not inside the head of the owner, unfortunately. Cause of death would be good fun for the authorities. Many things had happened. And the problem with the human mind was that it couldn't quite handle distractions. It was almost too easy to simple omit key facts. And it was natural to take the easy way out. The grieving family, the press, the public, they wanted answers. Of course they did.

The pressure was intense and failure to produce answers resulted in chaos. You see, they have a system. A system is the box. The box keeps people in order. At some point in time the box kept you from shoplifting. Now it simply made sure justice prevailed. The system, was failing. What happens if you put rats in a box for a period of time, and then released them? The first instict would be to run as fast as possible to avoid captivity. If the system failed, all hell would break loose.

So they provide answers, to maintain what is left of the system. He knew the drill. Get in, get the most obvious answer, get out. A polished black size 9 shoe stepped on the cerebellum, he heard a satisfactory squelch, with several circular motions he reduced it to a pile of slush and blood. It was amusing, almost funny, that one could actually convince their brain to shut down and kill them. While it was only a theory, it was one that was most likely true. There would, however, be no way to tell.

He looked at the pool of blood and thought "What a waste." It was young blood. Could have helped save another. His nails had gone slightly purple. He was due for a coffee fix and it probably wasn't the most appropriate thing to worry about but it was all in his head. His mind told him that he needed coffee immediatly. And so he rubbed the sole of his shoe against the suede jacket of the now-brainless person, turned on the heels of his polished shoes and walked out the door.

He sat in Starbucks with a hot cup of coffee, took a sip and watched the colour return to his hands. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and joined the literally brainless person in a deep sleep that would last forever. He had written a note on a serviette before breathing his last. But a gust of wind blew and it fell into a rather large drain. It read, "I am not dead. I am simply trying to slow my heart rate to make it seem such."

As they unzipped the body bag for indentification purposes, someone said, "Crazy all hoot he was. Tried to "play dead". No one knew why. I guess it finally came to him without him having to try."

Author's Note : No, it doesn't make much sense but I was bored, okay? Thank you. :)

Okay, Time To Talk

2009-04-03T20:23:00.002+08:00

Text-heavy. More for personal reference. :)

Lets try and sort to the huge mess/ball my life is turning into.

1. School

When did school, and studies become two separate things? So, school. I don't learn. Honestly, I don't. Its so unbelievably difficult to listen to the teachers and I can't quite figure out why but I'm scraping by. School is, well, horror? No not really. School consists of multiple things. But school in general is a place. A place I don't like because its dirty and dusty and I like clean. It isn't very conducive and is the root of most problems.

2. My Class

I hate it. Okay not hate. Dislike. Why do I dislike my class? Its not the people. Its not everyone. Its most of the class. Mashed up together. My class is noisy. And I hate not being able to hear myself think. I think its #1 thing that would make me annoyed. [i.e. I'm trying to blog and you call me. Or I'm studying. WHY MUST YOU BOTHER ME JUST GO AWAAAAAAY!] Yes. Oh and my class is not very kiasu (a whole new level of paranoia) and having a kiasu class motivates you to study.

3. Homework

DIE YOUUUUU! Imagine my frustration. I write a 5 page long essay and the teacher returns it without marking. Or everytime I do a piece of work they just flip to the end, put a massive check across the page and write checked at the bottom. In Soni's words, thats pretty much standard procedure around here. And they give tons of it. And I'm bored of it.

4. Friends

I hardly ever see them. Aside from Soni and Yi Ann because they're in my class. But EVERYONE else. Previously we still saw each other during recess and somedays we don't all go down for recess or we're too tired to talk or too stressed to do anything but bitch. Its sort of at a point where we wouldn't quite realise if one didn't turn up for school. [MAYDAY!] We actually took turns to complain. It went like this.

Person A : *complaincomplain*

Person B : Okay my turn. *blablabla*

5. Choir

Oh my goodness the stress. This was supposed to be THE year and I think its no secret we're not quite living up to it. We scraped through the District Level Competition and won but not be very much at all. And I may just have lost my passion for it. This worries me tremendously because it was the one thing I did when I didn't know what to do. I'd sing. And it pains me to look at dull faces who joined the choir club but seem to have no interest in it whatsoever. And I know, people won't always share your passion but to not be able to inspire because I'm too tired just hurts. Very, very badly.

6. Music

I'm slowly rebuilding my music library. Note, slowly. 3 years, 700 songs, all gone. Thank the Lord for YouTube. Music is good. I actually can't do anything without music. I listen to music when I do homework, when I read, and it helps me sleep when I've had a bad day. I don't know why but I work better with music. The distraction. Sort of helps.

7. Library

Thats actually the least stressful thing in my life after music. I'm going to Cameron Highlands! I actually enjoy it. I don't do much. But I quite enjoy it.

8. Tuitions

I'm taking Chem, Phy, BM and Add Math tuitions. I actually do the homework from these before anything else. Heh. Anyway, lil' realisation during tuition today. Why is it I learn extra stuff in tuition? As in, the tuition teacher is ahead of the school teacher, but the school teacher covers less than half of what I learn in tuition. Put simply, if you studied only your text book before an exam, you'd fail miserably.

9. Extra subjects

Eng Lit and Accounts. These are my FAVOURITE subjects! I ain't lying. Maybe the fact that I don't learn them in school makes them that much more appealing. Whatever. They're probably my best subjects too. <3<3

10. Health

I think I've definitely improved eating habits, I do skip gym occasionally but I have been going rather routinely since November. Pretty happy with weight loss so far. Not that I think I look much better. But all things will come with time and perseverance. The gym smells of Fruit Loops and the showers are fantastic.

11. Debate

I finally went for my first debate. Something I've always wanted to do. It was the Dato' Wira cup and we were kicked out in the second round. Slaughtered. Us poor people. The first round was fun though. Yours truly won Best Speaker. Sad to say, competition wasn't much. I think I love to talk. And not baselessly but get your point across and have people listen. Looking forward to Taylor's Debate!

12. Newton is dead.

And apparently Einstein disproved the poor late mans theories. And yet we take the time to learn that an object that is stationary or moving will remain as such unless acted upon by an external force. Way to go, genius.

However, this I happen to agree with. Every action has a reaction of equal magnitude but in the opposite direction. I think it applies in life very much, does it not? Thats why they always say 'Think before you act' I suppose.

13. I want to go to Cambodia

Actually, I'm not sure if I want to go or not but the things that those people were capable of. I want to see. I don't know why. I read about it recently and I felt this overwhelming urge to want to go and see the world around me. To learn about it. To live outside this stupid box that is Malaysia. Think out of the box, right? Sometimes this space I live in is suffocating.

14. I may have nearly died

Hurdles. During PE in school. They weren't very high and everyone had just been running up to the hurdle, stopping, crossing over and then running over to the second one and repeating the process. I thought I'd give it a go and do it right. I did the first one and sailed over and thought "Okay, I can do this."

Second hurdle, I have no recollection of what exactly happened or why I fell. All I knew was that I was falling, the first thing that came to mind was "Shit! I knew this would happen!" Felt my glasses fly off. Landed on the floor, on my back. Took a spilt second to gather my thoughts and burst out laughing. According to Sonia, I flipped over and fell like a ragdoll and everyone freaked out. Wei Li thought I died. Laura was running towards me, heard me laughing and thought "Oh, shit."

I actually really found it very comical. Of course everyone I told went "ZOMG AREYOUOKAAAY?!" Joey thinks I have someone up top looking out for me. I whispered a quiet thanks when it finally dawned upon me that I could've died.

So, worst of injuries sustained was, a slightly sore head, and a stiff neck. See. Alive and kicking.

15. Life

Stressful. Tiring. Boring. Frustrating. Shitty. Fun. Full of new experiences. New friends. New discoveries. Yeah, more good than bad, but I think I'll make it through another 9 months of it, right?

16. A little into my 16th year,

not bad, eh?

At This Rate, I Qualify As A Lecturer

2009-03-29T19:17:00.004+08:00

Problem Statement :

If you are a teacher, does that mean you are always right?

Situation 1 :

The trainee teacher is teaching us about homonyms (words that are pronounced the same but have different meanings i.e. boy, buoy)

We did dictation at the beginning of the lesson and one of the sentences was,

There is a pitcher and few glasses in the picture.

1. Shouldn't it be 'a few glasses'?

2. She was trying to tell us that pitcher and picture were pronounced the same. I said they weren't pronounced the same and she said "I looked it up in the dictionary". I kept quiet after that because Shi Hui said to because her supervisor was there.

Of course I badgered Soni throughout the day saying piTcher and piCTure. Anyway, I have proof that she was WRONG!

Picture

Pitcher

For people too lazy to go click it, my source is dictionary.reference.com

An online dictionary absolutely has to be THE most up to date one, right? So it says,

pic·ture (pĭk'chər)

pitch⋅er

2 [pich-er]

Why does this make me happy again? She is supposed to be teaching the universal language and look at the rubbish she spews. Something so simple. I was going to print it out and take it to school to show her but dad said I wouldn't be helping anybody.

Situation 2 :

Civics. Teacher made all of us stand up and answer questions, whoever got it right could sit down. I suppose I should back-track a bit to give you the whole story.

She was asking people to read from the text book, and then asking other people to repeat what the previous person had said. The ONE time I wasn't listening she called me.

Farhan said pg X which was about Juvenile Detention and I knew that was what the previous person was talking about. So I started to read out the definition and the teacher shook her head, and I said "No?" and proceeded to read something else about juvenile detention and this continued for a while and it was actually kinda funny. Then she repeated the question and then I found the right page and read out the right answer.

Anyway, while this Q&A session was going on, I was doing some Add Math question Soni had asked me about. And turns out I was one of the last 5 people standing. And the question was "Define juvenile."

This is a definition from Wikipedia.

In many countries, including Australia, Canada, India, New Zealand, United Kingdom, Brazil and Croatia, a minor is presently defined as a person under the age of 18. In the United States, where the age of majority is set by the individual states, 'minor' usually refers to someone under the age of 18, but can be used in certain areas to define someone under the age of 21.

Following is my conversation with the teacher. It was conducted in Malay.

Me : A person below the age of 18.

Teacher : Inaccurate

Next student : Teenager

Teacher : Correct

Me : But teacher! A teenager IS a person below the age of 18!

Teacher : You said person.

Looking back its almost funny!

1. Anyway, Chao Jian later pointed out that teenager is wrong because its a child between the age of 13 and 19, when juvenile refers to ages 0 to 18.

2. Are you trying to tell me that a teenager is not a person?

Conclusion : No, being a teacher does not mean you're always right. It means you need to triple-check your facts because you're supposed to educate people. Not just stand in front of a class room and spew crap. You're sending these people out into the world and we'll probably be the ones teaching your children. WAKE UP! Realise the importance of the profession you've chosen. If you can't, get the hell out. You deserve neither the title nor the respect.

My conclusion does not refer to the two teachers in the above situations, but teachers in general.

End of class. Thank you for your time.

Pop Quiz. Winner Takes It All.

2009-03-24T21:20:00.003+08:00

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Why do you see yourself there?

What are you doing to make sure you get there?

How far are you willing to go to make sure you get there?

Who are you doing this for?

WHEN DOES IT BECOME TOO MUCH?

This Song Makes Me Feel Warm Inside

2009-03-07T20:47:00.004+08:00

Translation

We are here at this moment, who knows what'll happen tomorrow

Whether we meet or not, whether we live or not
This love story will live on forever
and be heard forever on earth and in heaven

Life As I Know It

2009-03-02T21:55:00.003+08:00

1. Penghulu Ali segera pergi ke Rumah Pasung Lenaga untuk melaporkan kejadian itu.
2. Animal Entertainment is Cruel and Should Be Banned.
3. Aman makmur kaya-raya, slama-lama hidup maju jaya.
4. You did NOT say we had to pass up the homework TODAY!
5. men-dulan-kan
6. Quieting the beat of my heart, never being part of the moment.
7. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
8. OMG, y'know....
9. *sigh*
10. Where IS she?! She said to meet her here, but she isn't here! (repeat x100000000)
11. He walked out of class. How immature...
12. STOP MAKING SO MUCH NOISE!
13. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA
random person : Why d'you laugh so much?
me : Its stress induced.
14. Narwhals narwhals swimmin' in the ocean...

Past : I HAVE SO MUCH TO DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Present : Screw it...

Adieu.

My Views

2009-02-22T20:18:00.003+08:00

We've all heard about the 13 year old father and I've read so much about it everywhere I got to thinking.

First, the 13 year old boy having sex with a 15 year old girl. I think the girl should have had more responsibility. We all say age is just a number but you really have to draw a line somewhere. The immense difference between a 15 year old, and a 13 year old. The number of experiences you go through and 15 years is probably the peak of teenage angst and hormones and we hear about it all the time. People seem intent on drilling it into your head, teenagers have problems!

Anyway, I think the girl should have thought about it because birth control or not, pregnancy is possible.

Second, the boy handled it rather well. But I don't think he is capable of understanding what he has taken on. That is a human life. And if your life has yet to begin, how could you start another? Honestly, he is a child and he wants to bring another child into the world? The decision to not abort the baby is admirable but it may not have been the best course of action, in my opinion.

I feel really bad for the boy. Not too sure about the girl. I think she is old enough to understand. But this child could ruin their chances of a normal life. A father at 13?

Oh geez I'm being judgemental. People can do whatever they like. I'm just bored, and sick of school. And I really wish the new Chuck episode would buffer faster. And that I didn't have to do Khariah's essay. And I want and don't want to get my test papers back.

Prokofiev

2009-02-16T21:54:00.002+08:00

Okay, the first one has more feeling, the second has better sound quality. Tell me that doesn't sound like the music is telling you a story.

21st Century Breakdown

2009-02-16T18:42:00.002+08:00

I don't know if I can wait till May! Siao Lin told me about it and I decided to go check it out and I'm not really loving his new hairstyle, the mix of colour makes it look like he is wearing a wig really badly, ANYWAY, I read about it here and here. And I am fully aware of the fact that its a huge wall of text but its worthit!

And I CAN'T WAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!

Okay, some of you possibly have no idea what I'm talking about. Green Day's new album due in M A Y !

Andandandandandandandandandand GreenDay.com says a world tour is coming soon! I dunno where they'll go in the South East Asian region. But it says WORLD tour! They can't leave Asia out! They may go to Singapore! NOOOOOOOOOOO! Anyway, if they DO come, by hook or by crook I'm getting into the pitt and going deaf! YEAH!

Get To Know Yourself Better

2009-02-16T11:25:00.001+08:00

Surprisingly true, actually... Try it out here.

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

A Thought

2009-02-12T21:03:00.002+08:00

Up till this year, we've all had the same amount of knowledge. All of us who were the same age and at very least, went to the same school. There was always a certain standard, or level. By which you could say, she/he is a better student than I.

But suddenly, we're all doing different things. Not entirely. But it's a matter of choice all of a sudden. Not as vast a choice as I'd like it to be but you have to get a taste of everything before you know what you like, right?

Its now slightly more apparent that getting As is not a measure of how good you are. Because everyone does different things. For example, I take a baking course, you take a course in accountancy, we both graduate top of our classes. Who is better?

Why is it, you're so good at something, and suddenly, one day, you're just bad. And you're not getting better. Suddenly, you're no longer first to get picked, you're just not picked. Suddenly, you're the one stumbling along forgetting and mumbling.

Maybe its all too much. I lost all my songs. 700+ songs that keep me sane. I was a little shocked. And then I realised how much my music meant to me. It was awful. And then I lost my homework book.

It was like, what little organisation I established, was gone. And it drove me mad. My table was a mess from always rushing in and out, rushing to complete work. And I just didn't know what to do. I didn't know what needed to be done. And the clutter was filling my mind.

I realised something. I have space. I need space. And no one should invade that space. I know where things are. I know where they should be and helping me declutter, doesn't help. Because thats my space.

I've always needed large spaces to work. If I have work to do I chuck everything aside and give my self lots and lots of space.

Anyway, I'm tired, I don't think I've taken on too much but I don't know how I'm surviving exactly. In one particular place I go, there is so much stress, so much tension. Because they want it to work so much. But the tension, the drama, the yelling, the attitude, it doesn't help.

It makes it harder to work, it makes it harder to function, and its making it harder for you to do anything, and it may turn out well in the end, but mark my words, it will be an event yo u wouldn't want to remember. Because tension and stress breaks people.

I think I figured it out. Everyone needs a chill pill. I don't mean drugs. I mean, fresh air, holidays with no homework, better teachers, better classes, 48 hours a day. That sorta thing.

Oh, 100th post. It took me 3 years to get here... *puts on party hat*

Good night everybody...

I Just

2009-02-05T19:14:00.002+08:00

froze a slice of orange. I was eating the orange and it was nice and cold, and then I thought, what if I freeze it? Will it become like a sorbet? So I kept the last slice, peeled off the fibres, put it in a little tupperware and popped it into the freezer.

I wanted to see what would happen! May or may not post about it, I run in and out of the house all the time. Not that I mind, really. Having something to do is good.

Adieu.

EST Project

2009-01-30T21:55:00.002+08:00

Roshni : Hey, form 4 would be...10th grade, right? *type in : "10th Grade Biology Pro..."*

Sonia : Oh don't forget, their standard is higher than ours.

Roshni : Oh yeah... *backspace* *type in : 7th Grade Biology Project*

Soni, Yi Ann and I did our EST project yesterday! So much homework. :(

Goin' Down With The Devil's Thunder

2009-01-17T16:44:00.001+08:00

Its been, what, three weeks of school? And I'm going into total system shutdown. Lashing out for no reason, feeling like you're neither here nor there. Its like, you're living life, you're going through the days but its just a blur. And when its time to sleep, my head touches the pillow and the world, literally, disappears until mum wakes me up.

I've had a somewhat horrible, somewhat good, all through tiring week. And today, I was forced to choose between two things I feel really passionate about. Choral speaking and choir. I did choral speaking in primary school and it was so much fun. When I came to secondary school, we couldn't join, till this year. And in choir, I've been doing it since Form 1, developing technique, gaining invaluable experience.

I can only do choral speaking this year. And choir has a huge chance of getting into nationals this year. My mind was racing with thoughts weighing the pros and cons. I knew I'd have to make a choice. And the answer was there, I already knew what I was going to choose, but I was just putting it off, I suppose.

I chose choir.

Why? I don't know... I can do it next year as well. Its just a thing. It just is.

Every year, since I joined the choir, we've been moving up and out, little by little.

In form 1, the year 2006, we won the choir its first ever award in the District Level Interschool Competition. The Anugerah Khas Juri (Judge's Award) aka Fourth Place. I still remember seeing Ei-Jean's face fall when the announced our name. We all had pretty high hopes. Susanna, our couch, was clapping away and we sat quietly, rather puzzled as to whether or not that was a good thing. Meanwhile, the Trinity Board awarded us a Distinction in the Silver Level examination.

The following year, we moved forward trying to gain steady footing in the choral music scene. Third place in the inter-school competition, was our reward. We were ecstatic. In a patriotic song competition, we were the runners-up, after a lengthy deliberation by the judges.

Last year, was, at very least, awesome. We worked hard. And we got into State Level in which we won second place. Unexpected, but very much appreciated nevertheless.

This year, we move to much greater challanges. Both our songs are a capella (without accompaniment). And I must say it is great fun to watch everyone putting in so much effort to make it better and better.

Our Malay song was arranged by Mdm Juliette Lai and the thing I love about her arrangements is that they always sound so grand and sound so good when they come togethere. Everyone plays a crucial part in creating harmony that accompanies the melody so well. I especially loved her arrangement of Suriram!

Anyway, I'm off. Have got a long day ahead. Am waiting for Ugly Betty to buffer! Its taking AGES. Not too keen on Grey's anymore. All the characters are losing their personalities and the story line keeps running off. Getting so dull. Ah well... Good night :)

Ethel McCormack

2009-01-16T17:17:00.001+08:00

Okay, I finally made it into one of Seafield Choir's musicals. I'm the mother of Ren McCormack.

Honestly, I'm not happy, at all. I feel I delivered an amazing performance especially with the song and I got a part without a single solo. In the movie, you see Ethel less than once.

Yeah woopdeedoo I got a part. What the hell is the point if no one is ever gonna see/hear you? I mean seriously...

I want...

2009-01-10T13:47:00.002+08:00

A big, fat, juicy, greasy burger enough to send your cholestrol spiralling.

A large packet of fresh, hot, crispy fries that'll make my blood thicken.

And how about a thick, creamy milkshake with enough sugar to send my blood sugar skyrocketing.

And how about throwing in one of those fantabulous whipped ice cream things with mini MnM's in them.

Put them all in a big brown bag with those lovely golden arches on it. Aite?

Ah bollocks...

Today's lunch menu : Take it or leave it. Vegetable roll...

Bogoroditse Devo

2009-01-07T19:32:00.001+08:00

I miss Choral Fest SOOOO much its starting to really really hurt.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I wanna sing Sicut Cervus again! :'(

It was the most amazing week of my life. I was surrounded by nearly a hundred people who share the same passion as I do and we were all doing something we loved all day everyday. I wanna go back!

Superstes Of Aptus

2009-01-07T18:38:00.002+08:00

The title apparently means, survival of the fittest. Or it could mean the dog farted and whoever wrote the translation programme would laughing their ass off.

Anyhoo, school started properly today. And the teachers were all SO intent on teaching us TODAY! We didn't have any textbooks, most didn't have exercise books, and yet they wanted to give us work and teach us what Biology is.

I'm in 4D. Healthy mix of the SJKC [Chinese school] and SK [Co-ed school] class students. And the Gods were on my side, Soni is in my class again! I couldn't believe my luck really.

We had Biology, which wasn't too bad, although it was only the Introduction. Got a wee bit of homework. Maths, was frankly, awful, so awful in fact I started to miss Puan Poh. Bit of Chemistry. English for Science and Technology ain't too bad although we don't know who our teacher is.

Our timetables are apparently only for this week because they had to open a second Sub Science class which meant they had to re-shuffle the time tables.

It won't be a honeymoon year at all, but it won't be THAT bad, will it...?

Banana Bread

2009-01-04T15:25:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, mum and I made banana bread, and mum made Italian bread. The banana bread, feels like you're eating wholegrain bread but tastes of banana. The Italian bread, on the other hand, tastes really Italian, like a pasta sauce or something.

Why the hell am I talking about flavoured breads one day before school reopens? Because I am terrified!

I have tuition every single day, I have to make time to study, for homework and and to practice guitar, oh, and to go to the gym. And I took two extra subjects, which I want to, but what the hell am I in for? So yeah.

We apparently don't start studying until the second or third week of school which really works for me so I can get used to tuitions and homework load slooooowly.

I got 5As and 2Bs for PMR. History and Malay Language were my Bs. Big whoop.

At least I can go to Pure Science! But I had to fill out a form saying I want Pure Science and they want me to give them two options! So I put Sub Science down as my second option... But I don't WANT Sub Science damnit! *mumblegrumblemumblegrumble*

My two extra subjects are, Accounts and English Literature. Last year, only FIVE people took English Lit. in my school. Oh dear... And Accounts is said to be a free A... And my Maths is pretty okay.

SO YEAH! WISH ME LUCK! I might dissapear off the face of the internet for a while, but I reckon I'll survive.

You see, next year I have to sit for SPM which is the Malaysian equivalent of O Levels. And I've been told lots of people slack during Form 4 and D.I.E. during Form 5.

So my game plan is to make sure I understand this year's syllabus thoroughly so that next year its just light revision.

I also heard people fail their first exams in Form 4. Woe is me... :(

But I MUST/WILL survive if I want to get a scholarship!

Woe is me, woe is me...

The Year That Was

2009-01-01T19:54:00.004+08:00

*Video still needs heavy editting "Wait-ah!*

The year had many ups, not quite as big as the downs. But now, I've got a whole new year ahead of me and I just gotta try and make it work!

Roshni goes to Fitou!

2008-12-26T18:35:00.003+08:00

Again... Will try and get pics of awesome awesome awesome playground. Off to Tanjung Rambutan tommorow. No, seriously. :D

Update : I dined at Fitou!

I had Spaghetti Meatballs! Review + Photos.

Pasta, thick, can taste, but not overpowering. Sauce, very strong tomato taste. Comes across extremely salty at first but compliments the pasta very well. Salty, sweet, bright? Meatballs, a tad overdone. Saltiness overpowers meat flavour v. much when eaten on its own. Whole dish tastes overall very good together. Presentation, so so. Smell, very homely, welcoming, almost. Garnish, cheese powder / flakes

A bit short of time so thats the best I can do.

Navin and I are car buddies! Apparently we can get to Ipoh in an hour... (Ipoh is usually about three hours away...)

Ah woe is me, school is a few days away. I'd better enjoy Ipoh then...

Hello

2008-12-25T17:18:00.002+08:00

Christmas is pretty much over for me. It was a good one this year. Blessed Christmas.

Anyway, next year and the impending recession seem to become more apparent, the more you speak to people and find out what its about, the more you realize it is inevitable. It is predicted to last 3 years before recovery.

Its gonna be a rough ride... Hold on to the 10 sen you found on the road. Because the number of children not getting meals just got that much bigger.

Also, I think the crime rate will, inevitably, increase. I mean, who isn't trying to survive. So, watch your back.

So, I pray, that if there is any magic left in the world, God is with all of us all day, everyday, and when we need him most.

Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Mankind.

Merry Christmas everyone.

BLOG NOMINATION!

2008-12-09T12:40:00.003+08:00

Behold little people of the world a historical moment in time much like when Cleopatra farted, I have been nominated for a blog award! (Except I can't get the stupid picture to load...)

For the award I have Mr. Marcus Pee to thank. And I shall now nominate 10 more people. :)

To the nominees :

- Put the logo on your blog

- Add the link of the person who awarded you

- Nominate 10 others blogs

- Add the link of this blogs

- Leave a message for those nominees

(No particular order, okay?)

1. Shiao Lin!

2. Emo Bleep!

3. Bashni!

4. Lemony Fresh!

5. Kepoh-er!

6. Nostalgia Gabentz!

7. Anusha!

8. Wei Li! (Actually a MySpace blog but what the hell...)

9. Kimberly!

10. MRSunmarriedYing! :D

Okay thats all 10! Now I'm off to start typing my True Fitness review!

Sorry Excuse Of A Museum

2008-11-28T21:39:00.004+08:00

Mum suggested that we visit the National Museum just to see what it was like so you know what your country's NATIONAL MUSEUM is like. I was all for it, it was something to do.

So we get there, its not much of an entrance, you have to go down and walk a fair bit before you get to the entrance, which I think is absolutely ridiculous because there are NO signs. I don't mind the walking, but you honestly haven't a clue where you're going.

We walk up the steps and enter the actual museum, that in itself is an achivement. We walk up to the counter, and now that I think about it, we could've gone in without paying and I don't think they would even notice. But its RM2, I think if it were more, no one would bother.

They were advertising a Aquatic Life exhibition all over the museum. Now when we first got there we were given little slips of paper asking you to promise never to buy/eat turtle eggs. Well thats all fine and dandy, I'm all for preserving Mother Earth.

Here is where it gets interesting. THE SICK IDIOTS HAVE PUT THE "PRECIOUS" WILDLIFE INTO BOXES SLIGHTLY BIGGER THAN IT. I've never liked aquatic life forms. I think they're just creepy. And so I wasn't really enjoying the huge exhibition but I refuse to condone such behaviour!

What exactly are you teaching young children? That preserving wildlife means cooping them up and giving them an inch of space to move? I think the whole thing should be shut down and they should be sued! I mean, fine, people should be able to see it.

So encourage people to go to their natural habitat and see the turtle lay eggs instead of modernising the area and catch whats left of the turtles and throw them into tiny plastic aquariums for children to see.

Oh and believe me this just keeps on getting better. We went upstairs to the Olden Day Malaysia section. It is pretty impressive, they've kept it clean, lots of displays, but not enough infomation is provided. There is a wall behind you covered with text. Not conducive at all.

They have a pretty extensive collection, but a child would not be interested, because it is not interesting, there is no way of knowing what it is unless you read the really, really fine print.

They actually had an actual Japanese bicycle used in the 1500s. They have a few cool things, but nothing really stood out. It was just there. Almost blending in. The poor bicycle was stuck in a corner, as though it was a decoration on the wall. And the whole place is dark, probably to give you an idea of what it was like, but it doesn't help because its not done well so it just seems dark and dull.

Next, modern Malaysia! Not much, same problem, not enough information. At this point, they're just showing you this and that. And there is so much, it doesn't really feel like a museum anymore. It feels like one great, big showcase.

I don't remember much of it. Shows how "great" an impact it had on me. And then we went downstairs to the Prehistoric Malaysia which was just creepy. Again, it was a miserably dull enviroment, and suddenly it starts to bore you.

We went downstairs to the souvenir section. And its just a great laugh okay! They charge you 10x more for stuff you can get all over the country for SO much cheaper. Just goes to show you shouldn't buy stuff from museums.

And we went to the carpark area and we saw two more sections.

First, the Orang Asli section. Here I got a little pissed. The Orang Asli, in my opinion, are a rich culture. All they had in there, was a U-shaped, barely 100m long display of the least creative wood carvings I have ever seen. Now the problem here is, you can find better craft work ONLINE!

As if that wasn't enough heart ache, we went to the Malay Culture Museum. Which was big. And they had Malay weddings and stuff. WAY bigger than the Orang Asli section.

So, why does my heart ache? Before I say why, I have nothing against Malay people, there are quite a few nice Malay people in this country.

Anyway, BECAUSE THIS BEGS THE QUESTION, WHERE THE HELL IS THE CHINESE AND INDIAN CULTURE MUSEUM?!

The goverment is HUGE on the fact that Malaysia is Truly Asia, and one of the things that makes us Truly Asia is the fact that we are a multicultural society with MALAYS, CHINESE AND INDIANS, living in harmony.

It really makes me really sad that they choose to deny the very exsistence of the working force behind this country. Go into the really rural areas, you think they care what colour you are? They care that you contribute to the society and that you have good values and that you bring good name to their community.

And that, my dear loyal readers, is why the MALAYSIAN NATIONAL MUSEUM is a sorry excuse of a museum.

P/S : Is anyone looking to buy me a Christmas present? eBay has the Juno Hamburger Phone for RM 50, but they do NOT ship to Malaysia!

Here, Have A Drink.

2008-11-27T15:34:00.002+08:00

At this age, most of the friends I have are developing opinions and personalities of their own. And sometimes when one says something, the friend thinks quite the opposite and it could be the source of an argument.

But we're friends for a reason and something so small shouldn't affect a strong bond that has formed over many years.

Something I've always thought about is drinking, or having a good time. Some cultures frown upon these things because its against their religion or something along those lines.

But I honestly don't see what the problem is if you take it in moderation. The idea is, the drink is refreshing. Not that it is meant to make you drunk. So that raises the question, why even drink at all? I haven't figured that one out yet.

I suppose well lets take a mojito for example. If I remember correctly, it contains lime juice, rum and crushed mint leaves and probably some other things but I've only had it once. So lets say you take away the rum, it loses the...kick? Its like sambal without chilli. Which is basically ridiculous.

And some may say it destroys your liver. I'm not saying you should knock back 10 gallons for a kick. I'm saying its like icing on cake. Makes it better.

So, should you, or should you not drink? In my opinion, either way is good. Everything is good in moderation.

My point here being it is not necessary, it just makes it a little better, is all.

Dermatologist Visit.

2008-11-26T11:16:00.003+08:00

I visited the dermatologist today. Because I have a skin problem, obviously, that I've had for a while I suppose. And I really didn't want to but mum insisted I get it treated.

Anyway, he said I have a diabetes gene in my body, which means the skin problem was the body's way of telling me I may get diabetes within a couple of years.

And so I have to lose weight and watch my diet.

Its a really scary thought, having to have insulin injections everyday.

You would think that since I don't have it yet, I wouldn't really mind but I just started to cry and cry and I don't know why.

*sigh* Oh and now daddy is going to sign me up at the gym.

Whee...

:)

2008-11-16T15:59:00.006+08:00

I solved Einstein's riddle! I spent about an hour on it and I got it! Einstein wrote this riddle early during the 19th century. He said that 98 % of the world population would not be able to solve it.

Give it a shot and let me know if you got it. I wanna know if the 98 % thing is true.

The Emo Bleep

2008-11-14T13:06:00.002+08:00

Angry, moody, cynical, and set on spreading her emo ways, the Emo Bleep, describes herself as ‘not a real emo’ and said that her first post was ‘a pathetic attempt at sounding gruff’

Her blog is a parody of the typical emo blog. It’s dark, possibly destructive and stays far from anything cute, fluffy, or cheerful. Nevertheless, it is fun and a good read so, if you ever need something to spice up your day, head on over to:

http://www.myblackholeofpain.blogspot.com

And to quote the blogger herself:

You Have Been Warned.

All I have to say...

2008-11-10T10:37:00.002+08:00

about Malaysia's current affairs which are increasingly disturbing, is

It's always darkest, right before the sun rises...

Time for CHANGE

2008-11-05T12:15:00.000+08:00

Barack Obama is President of the United States! I know this marks change, but I hope it marks change for the better. :)

Will update about my birthday later on when I have more pictures! :D

Unsuccessful

2008-11-02T21:29:00.002+08:00

As you may, or may not know, I applied for a scholarship to study in one of the best schools in Singapore, and as the title says, I was unsuccessful.

Of course I'm really sad. But you really just have to move on.

Its a real wake up call that its not as easy as you think and with what I want, I have to be prepared for many more failures far more heartbreaking than this...

Thus, I am consoling my self by saying that it wasn't quite time for me to leave yet.

On one hand, I had no idea how ready I was to leave. I had stopped going for choir, stopped learning up songs properly thinking, I'm not gonna be around next year, same thing for the library, and now I have to do doubly well in both to try and regain good ground with the teachers.

On the other hand, I had my doubts, I wasn't quite ready to leave just yet.

Although I did realise how immensely bored I was with my life. But mum and dad are convinced that two years are just gonna fly by. But the thirst I have to just start all over again is overwhelming yet so strange.

I have everything here and there is a somewhat strong sense of not wanting it anymore. Wanting something more? Something different? I don't know... I'm just bored...

Its like a match, burning out... Strange, no? I hardly ever do anything and I'm bored.

C'est la vie? I suppose...

Roshni wants to eat!

2008-10-27T15:35:00.004+08:00

Avanti Italian-American Ristorante : RM 108 ++ per person without wine

Iketeru Modern Japanese : Lunch : RM 168 ++ per person without wine, Dinner : RM 230 ++ per person without wine

Tuscany Italian Restaurant : RM 175 ++ per person without wine

Senses Modern Australian : Lunch : RM 168 ++ per person without wine, Dinner : RM 318 ++ per person without wine

Villa Danieli Italian : RM 155 ++ choice of 4 courses per person without wine

Nerovivo Italian : RM 128 ++ per person without wine

Il Tempio Italian : RM 300 Nett per person without wine

Pacifica Contemporary European : RM 270 ++ choice of 7 courses without wine per person

Chalet Swiss : Lunch : RM 95 Nett per person without wine, Dinner RM 220 Nett per person without wine

McDonalds, anyone?

I WANNA LEAVE COOKIES OUT FOR SANTA!

2008-10-22T17:48:00.001+08:00

PMR is over, Divali is around the corner and I have big news!!

But I won't tell you now...

I'm asking and releasing yet again. :)

The Big Question

2008-10-13T16:35:00.003+08:00

So lots of people say they don't like milk, and I had a thought.

Are the horrors of osteoporosis worse than the perceived horrible taste of milk?

PMR : Day 1.

Report : I survived. More detailed report coming to theaters near you in a week or so.

You would think

2008-10-10T11:34:00.003+08:00

That good people get anything and everything that they want. And if you don't get everything and anything you want, then you're not putting in the work.

Years later you're still not getting anything and everything you want. Maybe you're not doing it right.

Satisfactory life, sufficient to survive in a certain amount of luxury. Self-proclaimed, of course.

*sigh*

People are such idiots you know, I want to go watch Mamma Mia! The Musical when some kid hasn't had breakfast in a week.

I would wish everyone luck for next week, but we all already know, luck has nothing to do with it. I wish you all the best I suppose.

Remember, remember,

The FIFTH OF NOVEMBER.

*gasp* I'm such a pig...

(What shall I do? *thinks*)

I Owe My Mother

2008-09-27T09:43:00.001+08:00

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you
Into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC .
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck ,
You're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear ,
In case you're in an accident ."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.
Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world
Who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE .
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going
To get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think
I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
Don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables,
You'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think
You were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope
They turn out just like you

Taking Charge of YOUR Life

2008-09-19T21:10:00.003+08:00

I'm asking, and I'm releasing. (I'll tell you if it happens)

Green Day relapse. I still love the guys. Always will.

Life and Times

2008-09-17T21:00:00.005+08:00

Went to Navin's place on Saturday night to watch the MU - Liverpool match. And I noticed something. (But then again, I always notice something.)

I noticed that my younger cousins were either playing games on (a) the laptop, or (b) the Gameboy. And the first thing to go through my mind was, what in the world are they doing? How can you actually sit at that thing for hours? And I was about to say something about it when I stopped for a moment to think.

And you know what I realised? I realised that less than 365 days ago I was doing the exact same thing. Constantly staring blankly at the screen clicking away or stabbing at the keyboard and I never, ever got bored.

So I got thinking, a rather small age difference makes all the difference in the world. And I started thinking about how much I'd changed over the past year. I've changed alot. And for now, I'm in a good place.

It is a rather odd age to want to find yourself but I'm on a little journey of self discovery here. Everytime I read a post of mine I think, "Now where did that come from?". I read the posts from a year ago and I see how much I've changed and I see the person that I have become.

More than anything I see how much I learn everyday and how much I strive to improve myself in every second of everyday and how a simple decision can change the course of an entire day thus in the long run, perhaps teaching you something about yourself, or about someone else.

And the thing that I really learned while watching my cousins play games online is that you must always be willing to learn. Spread your wings and fly a little higher everyday, and open your mind a little more everyday.

I guess what I'm saying is that we never stop changing and the world never stops spinning and there will always be dissatisfaction. However, there will always be joy in the little things in life.

For example, watching your cousins play a seemingly ridiculous game and laughing to yourself thinking, I used to do that not too long ago. And what a joy it was. But now, I get to hold an elegant glass of red wine and listen to talk of politics and perhaps sing a little tune much to the delight of my beloved listeners.

What comes next, I wonder? Maybe I'll just live in this little moment and learn as much as possible, perhaps the next will be as fun as this and perhaps it will not. But if I choose to learn, and apply my findings in daily life, I find inspiration to write more blog posts like this.

We live while we can, laugh while we can, love while we can. So how 'bout it? Seize the day.

Carpe Diem.

You can check out anytime you like,

2008-09-11T16:53:00.002+08:00

but you can never leave.

Carmen suggested performing Hotel California by The Eagles... Its a really good song.

Wedding this Sunday, will video my live guitar debut and post it up ASAP.

Pra PMR next week.

Free Hugs, Anyone?

2008-09-07T21:26:00.003+08:00

I recently read about a man called Juan Mann, a 26 year old Humanitarian/Hugger.

Yes you read right, he is a hugger. And he has strengthened my weakening trust in humanity. With hugs.

5 weeks away from PMR, this is really not what I needed, because I don't believe the world is all about studying or making money. Its about kindness and caring for other people in the world, I believe in higher purpose.

I wanna change the world, I wanna make a difference. And this guy does it with a simple hug. Because everybody has a bad day. Everybody.

Wouldn't it be absolutely wonderful to leave your mark with something as simple as that? To be as inspirational as that?

Watch the video below, please. Following is Juan Mann's story.

Sometimes, a hug is all what we need. Free hugs is a real life controversial story of Juan Mann, a man whos sole mission was to reach out and hug a stranger to brighten up their lives.

In this age of social disconnectivity and lack of human contact, the effects of the Free Hugs campaign became phenomenal.As this symbol of human hope spread accross the city, police and officials ordered the Free Hugs campaign BANNED.

What we then witness is the true spirit of humanity come together in what can only be described as awe inspiring.

In the Spirit of the free hugs campaign, PASS THIS TO A FRIEND and HUG A STRANGER! After all, If you can reach just one person...

Juan Mann – talks about Free Hugs.
- On Its Origins -

I'd been living in London when my world turned upside down and I'd had to come home. By the time my plane landed back in Sydney, all I had left was a carry on bag full of clothes and a world of troubles.

No one to welcome me back, no place to call home. I was a tourist in my hometown. Standing there in the arrivals terminal, watching other passengers meeting their waiting friends and family, with open arms and smiling faces, hugging and laughing together, I wanted someone out there to be waiting for me.

To be happy to see me. To smile at me. To hug me. So I got some cardboard and a marker and made a sign. I found the busiest pedestrian intersection in the city and held that sign aloft, with the words "Free Hugs" on both sides.

And for 15 minutes, people just stared right through me. The first person who stopped, tapped me on the shoulder and told me how her dog had just died that morning.

How that morning had been the one year anniversary of her only daughter dying in a car accident. How what she needed now, when she felt most alone in the world, was a hug. I got down on one knee, we put our arms around each other and when we parted, she was smiling.

Everyone has problems and for sure mine haven't compared. But to see someone who was once frowning, smile even for a moment, is worth it every time.

God's Pharmacy

2008-08-29T10:38:00.007+08:00

A sliced carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye... and YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.

A Tomato has four chambers and is red. The heart has four chambers and is red. All o f the research shows tomatoes are loaded with lycopine and are indeed pure heart and blood food.

Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.

A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.

Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.

Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don't have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak. These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.

Avocadoes, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).

Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility.

Sweet Potatoes look like the pancreas and actually balance the glycemic index of diabetics.

Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries.

Oranges, Grapefruits, and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.

Onions look like the body's cells. Today's research shows onions h elp clear waste materials from all of the body cells. They even produce tears which wash the epithelial layers of the eyes. A working companion, Garlic, also helps eliminate waste materials and dangerous free radicals from the body.

(I got this in an email, by the way.)

Wedding Performance Audition Today!

2008-08-24T12:28:00.001+08:00

The Top 10 Global Universities

1. Harvard University

2. Stanford University

3. Yale University

4. California Institute of Technology

5. University of California at Berkeley

6. University of Cambridge

7. Massachusetts Institute Technology

8. Oxford University

9. University of California at San Francisco

10. Columbia University

Tagged by Yee Wern

2008-08-22T11:03:00.002+08:00

I have nothing better to post about anyways.

RULE #1
People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2
Tag 8 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
I would go somewhere quiet and figure out whats going on with me and why an ass is my lover...

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
At the moment...study medicine (but you already know that because I've said it a billion times)

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
-

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
UNIT TRUST!

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
I love them all! :)

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
"The greatest lesson you'll ever learn is to love, and be loved in return" - Moulin Rouge

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
Depends on what I'm waiting for. (i.e for him to finish studies, etc.)

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Do I really like that person and feel they are my soul mate?

9. Is there anything that has made you extremely happy?
Living life to the max (which doesn't happen often).

10. What takes you down the fastest?
Feeling lonely/left out.

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
In med school, I hope...

12. Who are currently the most important people to you?
Family and closest friends.

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
David Cook lover. :)

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Single and RICH!

15. What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
Fall back asleep.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
Is there any reason not to?

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
The one that loves me back and makes me feel happy and secure.

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
How horrible is horrible? I'm a person who likes to reason, so you have to have a hellishly good reason as to why you did something SO horrible...

19. Would you suffer now and enjoy later or the opposite?
I would suffer now and enjoy later but I'm not exactly suffering so...

20. List 8 people to tag
Siao Lin
Carmen Loh
(anyone else who wants to do...)

What Holidays Do To You

2008-08-19T11:58:00.001+08:00

Roshni says:
I have a chair

Roshni says:
that you can blow up like a balloon

Roshni says:
and I wanna use it but I can't find the pump

Roshni says:
so I'm doing it manually

Carmen Loh says:
whoa good luck man

Roshni says:
side effects are blurred vision and brain funny feeling

Well it is growing...

Commander In Chief Season 1

2008-08-17T11:44:00.001+08:00

Sometimes

2008-08-15T09:59:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, you should know when to just relax and enjoy the ride.

Sometimes, you can't expect things of people.

Sometimes, things are not in your control.

Sometimes, you should just relax and enjoy the ride.

Sometimes, you should just live.

And sometimes, you should take charge of your life.

But sometimes, relax, breathe, let the sand between your toes and salty smell of the sea take you over.

(I just realised how long its been since I've been to a beach (YEARS) and I miss the smell of sunscreen and the sea! SOMEBODY TAKE ME ON A HOLIDAY!!!)

I'm just going to enjoy the experience, thats all.

L i f e

2008-08-15T09:57:00.002+08:00

Life, I want a good one.

Its the holidays.

I have nothing to update about yet.

No one is online.

I'm thinking of baking a cake.

Will let you know how that goes.

:)

Trials

2008-08-08T18:29:00.002+08:00

Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials. Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.TrialsTrials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.TrialsTrials.Trials.
Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.TrialsTrials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.TrialsTrials.
Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.TrialsTrials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials
Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.TrialsTrials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.
Trials.Trials.TrialsTrials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.TrialsTrials.Trials.Trials.
Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.TrialsTrials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials
Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.TrialsTrials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.TrialsTrials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.TrialsTrials.Trials.Trials.Trials.

Trials.Trials.Trials.TrialsTrials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.TrialsTrials.Trials.Trials.Trials.

Trials.Trials.Trials.TrialsTrials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials
Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.TrialsTrials.Trials.Trials.Trials.

Trials.Trials.Trials.TrialsTrials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.Trials.

*sigh*

I Should Not Gamble...

2008-08-08T12:50:00.003+08:00

Not only because its bad for me but because I'd be the world's worst gambler. I dunno how to play Hearts (I always thought getting the highest score means you win but dad was so kind to set me straight and I have no idea how to get the lowest score), I can't finish a game of Freecell (because I'm too impatient) and I lost to the comp 3 times playing Solitare.

Yesterday, I went along for the Finals of the 15th Annual Taylor's Interschool Debate. And it was a really good show. We have an excellent team, by the way. And thus, we won! Our opponents, weren't bad, we were just better. :)

We came back at around 1.30 pm, and Kelvin had asked me to lead choir after school that day, so I ran to the Taman Herba. The choir sounded pretty good. And thats where the little scandal started. At 3 pm it was raining heavily and I started to make my way to the library to get my bag and walk home. And I saw mum in school.

You see, I told mum that I'd finish at 2, but it dragged on till 3, and I didn't have a phone and it just didn't occur to me to call her. Mum couldn't find me at school (we were at the Taman Herba). And she called Soni who called Carmen, the library and Rish who called Siao Lin.

I guess everyone just totally freaked out because nobody had any idea where I was and had no means of contacting me. I got a good scolding from Siao Lin which I probably deserved.

So scandal aside, I realised something, I don't need to be popular, hell yeah it would be nice, but I don't need it. Because I have a bunch of awesome friends who mean the world to me, and thats all I'll ever need. Soul sisters.

And so while it may sound weird, thank you for freaking out everyone. =D

Extremely Realistic Drawing of Specimen 50l\l1

2008-08-06T17:55:00.005+08:00

Soni's birthday is today! In conjunction with this planet moving moment that only comes once a year, Soni has requested I upload a self-potrait of her.

Comments (only good ones) are much appreciated.

Feast your eyes on it my friends, she is, a Picasso in the making. Soni's work are considered "classical, yet comtemporary" and have been purchased by customers around the world.

(Well actually thats a picture Soni did of her brand new hair cut entitiled badhair.)

Now for the real art, my dear readers I give you,

The Mind of a Miser

By: Sonia Lopez

It takes two for a purchase to be made. The cashier, the one who sits behind the counter while you, the customer, walk around in a daze having been made awestruck by the large varieties of products on offer. The two have reached equilibrium.

Then, comes the miser. We misers have a personality unto ourselves. The sight of money sends our heart rate shooting skyward, we revel in the pleasure of stroking ten ringgit notes, we plan our purchases, we make lists; and most of all: we never buy on impulse. Misers such as myself do not shop extemporaneously.

Instead, we make mental lists and cut cost whenever and wherever possible. Some call it cheap; we call it smart.

Situation A.

Two best friends Andy and Bob go shopping. Andy buys a stick of chewing gum, it costs him RM 1.20, his palms sweating as the exchange is made. Bob too buys a stick of gum. Bob is a fool. Easy target, the cashier thinks. Acting as subtle as possible she says “Sir, RM 2.00 will get you two sticks.” Bob declines.

After all, he was only here for one. Gently, she persists. “It’s a good price sir. 40 cents less.” Shrugging, Bob relents, reaching into his wallet; he takes out another 80 cents. The purchase is made. Its too late. A fool and his money are soon parted.

We misers are intelligent beings. We do not fall prey easily and seldom if ever find ourselves trapped in the jaws of cashiers. Oh 50 % of sales, how we loathe thee. You sashay before us, an almost irresistible temptress, telling us-making us-forcing usto buy something we don’t need.

My mother warned me. I always knew the devil would be beautiful. Here she is, before my very eyes: gift-wrapped. I will not succumb. To all you spend thrifts out there. Listen hard and listen well. A man without his list is a man without his brain.

Two dreaded words will follow you wherever you go: No Refunds. When you’re sinking in a sea of debts, you shall hear our faint cry: Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

-fin-

Sonia Lopez is a student and professional cheap skate. All opinions are her own and do not necessarily represent the miserly community.

Happy Birthday Soni!

When Your Heart Has Expired...

2008-07-31T18:34:00.002+08:00

Powerful words... Gets me every single time...

Been a long, fast-paced week and to think its not over yet.

Yesterday, I sat with mum while she prayed, and it is the most calm I've felt in a long, long time.

Pin Pin Bing

2008-07-27T21:32:00.002+08:00

Pin Pin = Brand of random rice biscuit
Bing = Biscuit

Aren't I awesome?

My standard of blogging has really taken a plunge hasn't it?

I hate being annoyed at me. After trials, I promise. I have got to get geared up for meaningless exams so as to avoid becoming a social outcast due to record-breaking 7Fs.

But hey, thats just me...

Oh and this lady from SEGi came to deliver some motivational talk. She was talking too loud. But thats not the point.

She was telling us about a program called 3+0, which means you get to do a course with the exact same syllabus as overseas for something like quarter the price.

Basically, who the hell wouldn't love that? I mean, money don't exactly grow on trees. But I was thinking about it. If I'm gonna study medicine, why just study medicine? Lets do it ALL the way! Lets go to the best damn university the WORLD has to offer.

Because doing it halfway, serves no purpose. If you wanna do something, do it all the way, make it work.

And with that I bid you Adieu.

Essay I Am Most Proud Of

2008-07-22T17:27:00.002+08:00

Its not a true story but I'm really proud of it. Heh...

After PMR last year, I decided to take a well-deserved vacation to Kluang to unwind. I thought I'd return having relieved all the stress that had been building up over the past few weeks. Never have I been more wrong.

My vacation was going rather well and I was due to return the following day when sometime before noon a clap of thunder was heard followed by a downpour like no other I had ever witnessed. Three hours later I received a phone call from Transnasional saying that my ticket had been tentatively cancelled due to floods.

My grandparents' house was on higher ground and thus the floods hadn't affected us yet. Within an hour water started to enter the house. Most of the valued items were packed into my knapsack and the heavier items were covered with plastic bags. A mere two hours later I was sitting rather miserably on the newly tiled roof bundled up in warm clothing and a raincoat my grandfather had from his army days.

It was all rather amusing, really. With two rather long ladders, five families were now sitting on the roof huddled together, unable to speak while the rain pelted down on us. I was extremely lucky because I had rubber boots and gloves and managed to stay fairly warm. After what seemed like ages, a rescue boat arrived.

At the relief centre, I saw the real extent of the damage and I realised why my grandmother insisted on bringing lots of blankets. I saw families huddled together, mothers with teary-eyed children. They had no food, no warm clothing. I immediately plastered a smile on my face and walked around distributing blankets, towels and hot drinks provided by the relief center staff.

I returned to USJ a week after the water subsided having helped my grandparents clean up and get everything back together. How little I could do to help those people whose whole lives were washed away in front of their eyes disturbed me. But the reality was that these things happen, and we don't know who it might happen to next. It bothered me for weeks and then I decided I would become a doctor so that I could help these people.

Now that I think about it, I really miss the Kluang house. But we'll save that tale for some other time, eh?

RENT

2008-07-16T19:39:00.004+08:00

"I'm more of a man than you'll ever be and more of a woman than you'll ever get" - Angel
Dumott Schunard

"Why did Muffy-"
"Allison.."
"-miss the show?"
"There was a death in the family, if you must know"
"Who died?"
"Our Akita"
"Evita!"

Brilliant movie/musical. It was an amazing experience start to finish. Oh and you probably won't get the joke above. But its really funny once you watch it.

Thats the word I was looking for! RENT is an EXPERIENCE!

I'll tell you this though, first movie to make me cry in a long, long time.

Angel Dumott, my favourite character, what we should all aspire to be, aside from the cross-dressing.

Cheers!

Well,

2008-07-09T15:05:00.002+08:00

I didn't know you, you entered my class once and left us in fits of laughter.

I found myself praying for your survival many times, but now, I pray you had a safe, painless journey to the other side.

He was trying to go out the back door. Carmen was sitting near the back door.

En Guna : Eh, move it (the chair) in lah girl, my backside is stuck.

I feel so very sorry for your family.

RIP Mr Guna

She's going for the "Charity" Night

2008-06-26T18:22:00.002+08:00

Main Entry : Smart Casual
Part of Speech : adj
Definition : of clothing, somewhat informal but neat
Example : Smart casual means you are wearing something like dress trousers, a long-sleeve shirt, maybe a tie, leather loafers.

BlogThings.com

2008-06-25T16:13:00.002+08:00

Your Personality Profile

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant.

Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle.

You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs.

For you, comfort and calm are very important.

You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection.

You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy.

You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts.

People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused.

But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Transcendental Meditation

2008-06-25T15:43:00.007+08:00

Transcendental Meditation, or TM, is the trademarked name of a meditation technique introduced in 1958 by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi (1917-2008). The technique, practiced for twenty minutes twice a day while sitting with one's eyes closed, does not involve concentration or contemplation.

Research studies have described specific physiological effects that occur during the practice of the Transcendental Meditation technique.

This research found that the Transcendental Meditation technique produced a physiological state that was termed "restful alertness." During the practice of the technique the physiology becomes relaxed, as indicated by significant reductions in respiration, minute ventilation, tidal volume, blood lactate, and significant increases in basal skin resistance, yet EEG measurements showed increased coherence of brain functioning, indicating that the physiology was alert rather than asleep.

Studies suggest that this state of physiology promotes regulation of cortisol and other hormones associated with chronic stress and a healthier regulation of serotonin (a neurotransmitter associated with mood).

Studies have reported finding a positive correlation between the Transcendental Meditation technique and various health-related conditions, including reduction of high blood pressure, younger biological age, decreased insomnia, reduction of high cholesterol, reduced illness and medical expenditures, decreased outpatient visits, decreased cigarette smoking, decreased alcohol use, and decreased anxiety.

I don't expect you to read it. I'm feeling absolutely horrible. I can't promise updates. I just need to learn to accept things the way they are. And if I haven't done something right, or up to expectations, then I deserve no credit. I can live with that. I think...

Young Singers Choral Festival '08

2008-06-04T11:42:00.004+08:00

So I'll be off to Choral Fest in about half an hour. The camera isn't
working, so, sorry...

I really dunno what to say. I haven't done
anything worth posting about.

We're supposed to write a journal and
document our experiences. The winner gets a RM 50 hamper.

So yeah, miss
me... oh oh wait! I wrote something in my "diary" when I was really emo one
day...

Too many pages have been torn out of this book.
Too many real thoughts, torn
away to be stored inside...
Too afraid of being read.
For these thoughts are like
a wine bottle,
uncorked, to be poured into various glasses, drank and
deposited into a
sewer.
That is all that is deserved of such deep, heart
wrenching thoughts.
Wishing they would disappear into the night. Only to return
at your deepest, darkest hours and wrenching your heart just a
little bit
more.
The feeling that you are inferior to life itself for not thrusting
yourself
into it, embracing it, exploring its full potential. Instead it is
shut away and forgotten and only brought out when the time is
found to be
right.
But quickly shut away again for fear of losing control. And when we die,
it
simple marks the date that we ran out of whatever we were running on.
Certainly not life...Its what you would like to thing though. How absurd.

So emo! But mind you I wrote it years ago. The starting is a bit cheesy, but
I like the ending.

"Behold my ugly screaming slug" - Soni Ann Lopez

Damn I'm gonna miss everyone, especially my dogs. But its only four days.
Ciao!

High King Peter, The Magnificent.

2008-05-29T13:27:00.002+08:00

C. S. Lewis, I bow before you and your brilliant mind. (Although it'd be pretty hard since you're six feet underground and all).

It is amazing the imagination he would've had to have in order to come up with his own world and put it into words in such a way that you are transported to that world.

And you can imagine the trees singing and far off you hear a roar of the magnificent King of the Jungle. The scent of stew the badger has been working on all day. The centaur telling you of the stars in the sky.

And then you come to a sudden halt and realise that its someone else's imagination. And you feel sad because your mind isn't as magnificent.

Yes, I watched Prince Caspian yesterday, and unfortunately, yes I'm actually really annoyed at myself, I don't remember reading one bit of the story. I've started re-reading it but its gonna take awhile... Really thick book.

Anyway, some of my favourite quites from the movie, that I still remember.

"Yo-you're...a mouse..." - Random Guy
"You people have NO imagination!" - Reepicheep

"I do not think I am ready." - Prince Caspian The Tenth
"It is for that very reason I know you are." - Aslan

Thats all I remember. Off to read. Ciao!

Voices of Hope

2008-05-20T18:27:00.004+08:00

Hello again my good people, we all know about the current Cyclone Nargis tragedy, and Voices of Hope, are holding a charity concert and so, I know very few people read my blog, but PLEASE put this onto your blogs so more people know about it!

With the generous support from The Kuala Lumpur Performing Arts Centre (KLPac), charity arm of the Young Choral Academy, Voices of Hope is raising funds for the victims of Cyclone Nargis disaster.

Using what we do best which is singing and performing, we are featuring a vast blend of musical genre performances from choral music, musicals, independent singersongwriters, instrumentals, and youth singers, we hope to raise as much as we could during the 2 hours performance.

ALL funds collected would be channeled to the Yayasan Nanyang Press, for their disbursement to the victims for their basic supplies.

Performers so far include:Young KL Singers Chamber Choir, The Young Choral Academy Youth Chamber Choir, Ian Chow, Max Lim, Tracy Wong, Sei Hon, Otam, Idzam Othman, Joel Wong, MIA Guitar Ensemble

Exams sigh

2008-05-13T21:07:00.008+08:00

During Chinese 2 today, I got SOOO bored. And Soni and I were communicating through pieces of paper and...

Ode to Egg by Sonia Lopez

The yellow yoke a-shining
The white as pure as snow,
When I taste the sambal egg,
My weak heart will glow.

For if not for this great delicacy,
My heart would be so cold,
My dear sweet fried delectable,
You are truly made of gold.

(No, she didn't eat the sambal egg for lunch because it looked weird)
(And then she told me to write an emo poem)

Untitled by Roshni George

In life at times,
we feel stranded,
lost and alone,
yet somehow surrounded,
by mostly fools,
for that,
there is Jared Leto,
for everything else,
there is Mastercard.

Last but definitely not least, I WANT! Shmexy, no?

So...

2008-05-11T22:07:00.002+08:00

I could think about what I could be doing right now if I wasn't studying. But who knows what might happen after that, because everyone will have started some crazily successful job in a sickeningly kiasu enviroment, and I'll be sitting somewhere with a pathetic education.

Or I could just get through this because I have to. And not think about after that. Live for today, right?

I can't think of the millions of times I've said this. I gotta do it. I want something, and this is the only way to do it. I want something, I want to study medicine, not in Malaysia, bloody hell no, but in the best university the world has to offer.

I can't afford that, and so I need to deserve it. Can I kick everything else and do this for me? I want to. And I know, if I want it enough, I'll find some way to do it.

Oh and for this exam, don't ask me what I got, I wasn't prepared, ask me after trials, or PMR, I gotta get into Pure Science, or I will drop dead.

See you on the other side everyone.

Mummy

2008-05-10T23:00:00.002+08:00

Some people, have "mummys" in school. I do not and possibly will never understand the concept of this.

My mummy, she has done a lot for me. She gave up her job, many years ago, to take care of my sister and I. She gave up her life, basically.
She sat with me when I cried. Maybe it was because I needed to, maybe I was just sad.
She lost her dad when she was 10. And growing up without a dad, in those times, she tells me about cycling to the market with her mother.
And of coming home, having to wash dishes, clothes, clean the house, and do your homework.
Scrubbing the drains.

One day she told me she cried when her mother told her she had to learn to cook. Because she wanted a life of her own. She didn't want to be like my grandmother.

And mum didn't end up with the life she always wanted.

So I guess its hard to keep a smile on your face knowing that your entire life would've gone in the other direction had you made one, simple choice.

But you sure as hell are doing a wonderful job.

You have done so much in my life. We do not talk much. We actually do argue a lot. And I know I take you for granted all the time. And I know, a lot of things that you say, for me, may come across as hurtful, but its only because you care, and because you love me, and because you are showing it the best way you know how.

And I guess I say a lot of hurtful things as well, and its not because I care, its because I'm full of hatred and anger, and I take it out on the people who love me most. Foolish, is it not?

You gave me a porcelain doll, a very nice one, which I later threw down the stairs because I thought it would fly. You gave it to me despite knowing it could happen.

I, as a child, see only the bad, and I know even as I write this and after this, I will continue to do this.

You may not say 'I Love You'. But you make sure I eat, and you make sure I study and just so much more.

Do you remember, years ago, we were in Subang Parade, and you saw a beautiful, gold necklace. And you said only the rich can afford that. And I said, mummy, I will some day buy that for you.
I will, mum, I will.

I love you, mum, I do. And you are an amazing woman, you are strong, you are talented, maybe if you believed in yourself more. You still have life left. And you have me, your smart mouthed, lil sonu monu donu.

Happy Mothers Day, Mum.

And to two more women who have made a great impact on my life,

Manjumasi,
one day, we were coming back from school, and I asked if you were going to have anymore children, and you said, "What for? I already have four children." She meant Anil, Priya, Anusha and I.

Masiji,
there was the one time, you came back from UK, and you had those beautiful dolls for us, and we just went off for dinner, I never gathered up the guts to say I was sorry. You are one person I truly idolise, you have been through so much and you have accomplished so much.

To these three women, along the way, you find those who really love you, and really care for you. And I think of all of you as my mum(s) in one way or another. It is not just a name, but it is something that really means alot to me, because thinking back, now, what each of you has done for me, or my family, is so amazing and it is true display of deep love.

Thank you, I love you all very much. You have all taught me so much about sincerity, and life, and in one way or another, how to make it through with a smile on your face. And there is no value to such lessons.

Happy Mothers Day

Amazingly, 99.99% true.

2008-05-07T17:37:00.000+08:00

Name: Roshni

Date: 4/29/2008

Colorgenics Number: 25317406

You are striving to make favourable impressions all of the time and you are going out of your way to make the impression that you are something special. You are constantly on the watch to see how your friends and neighbours are reacting to your various ploys.

But this is so unnecessary because most of the time you are in control of the situation - and you are, in the nicest sense of the word, a 'manipulator' because you use various strategies very cleverly in order to influence and obtain the necessary recognition.

Being a likeable person you get on well with neighbours and friends. You don't need anything to 'Rock your boat'. You want to 'love' and to be loved'.
In spite of all the opposition, you are insisting that your goals are realistic but circumstances are forcing you to compromise. You are not very happy with this situation but there is little that you can do about it. You have very strict standards which you try to apply to everyone who enters your sphere of influence.

You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all. The existing situation is not of your liking - you have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own.

Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of 'total surrender'. This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome.

You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able to maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence 'you need to be needed' and at the same time 'you need to need'.

You need to be respected as an exceptional individual. This is the only way that you can hope to achieve the status that you wish to achieve. You set yourself very high standards - and come what may - you abide by them.

Mon Neveu, Joyeux Anniversaire, Je Vous Aime.

2008-05-01T00:01:00.001+08:00

So when you look back at this, when you're old enough to use the computer, dad says you'll probably be proud because you have a blog post to commemorate your birth. Which, I checked, was on the same date that you were born!

You might also like to take it as a hint to learn French, or Spanish. Many girls I know would find it sexy.

So, what do I say, its your first birthday.

When I burned that CD for you, dad said the first thing you give him should be something you wish for him.

Maybe I wish you the gift of music.

Or actually, I wish you find, early on in life, something you can put your heart, soul and feelings into.

You are the beginning of a new generation, and therefore there is, no longer an age gap, but a generation gap.

And I sometimes find my mind wandering off thinking about what our relationship would be like.

I would love to have the same relationship with you as I have with Navin.

You are the first grandson, great grandson, you simply being there, is so special to all of us.

And I suddenly realised I've run out of things to say.

I suppose, there is, and always will be a child in all of us. And thats why we love babies. Because we can do all kinds of funny things and say it was to make this sweet little thing laugh.

I was shocked, the things these people do to get you to eat, stop crying, play, smile, laugh.

The way you stuffed your biscuit into your mouth, liquidised it and then spat it back out again.

If it was anyone elses child, I would not hesitate to express my disgust, but with you, it was the most adorable thing I had ever seen. And while I was in Ipoh, seeing you smile made my day, Talking to you and making you smile, or laugh, just left me feeling warm inside.

I'm more of a talking person, although not all the time, I like talking to people I know, and I like talking about my problems and pouring my heart out. I think, as most would've picked up, I speak like this only to a select few.

I read a story from Chicken Soup for the Unsinkable Soul.

We pray, not for our children to not encounter hardship, but for them to be strong, and face it. We pray for them to have strong roots.

On your first,

I love you, I care for you, and I hope you always have someone to talk to and make you feel better.

Jehan,

Happy First Birthday.